Land of Denial

Thursday, December 31, 2009 3 Comments A+ a-

I like living in a state of denial. Hey, it works for me.

Truth be told, if I let my thoughts wander where they will when my husband is at work, I’d get little to no sleep. He’s the supervisor of his shop, yet pulls his weight when it comes to snow removal. His work entails working 12-hour shifts during winter months, in the middle of the night, in a canyon that is incredibly steep in places. He has to turn that huge snow plow around somewhere, and I don’t consider a canyon a great place to do that, but he doesn’t have a choice.

I can’t even take into account human error, such as inexperienced drivers or hurried drivers. I can’t think about the semis that cross his highway, or of the semi that hit another state truck last week, sending the state driver to the hospital. I can’t think about drunk drivers, or distracted drivers. I just can’t.

But every so often, I’m slapped in the face with reality and I’m brought to my knees in gratitude that our father and husband is brought home to us every night, safely.

Yesterday was such a moment. I was awake most of the night, reaching over for Jon’s side of the bed. A touch on his back, or his arm, or his hair; a touch to reassure myself that he was indeed sleeping next to me.

He and his guys were clearing snow from a shoulder; Jon was the one in the Loader. He felt his back wheels slide off the road, in the direction of the drop-off, towards the river. He tried digging the bucket into the side of the mountain to keep from sliding, but it was no use. So as the rest of this 30,000lb+ machine slid down, Jon turned the loader into the turn and went for a ride down the mountain. He aimed for a tree, not wanting to go into the river, and took the tree out.

He told me that he never wanted to bail out of a machine as bad as he did yesterday, but he managed to hang on and did everything right. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my husband so shook up; he’s usually the calm, cool, and laidback one. So when my husband is scared, then you can imagine what that does for my state of mind.

Last night, I let myself go to that place of “what-ifs”; it wasn’t pretty and my dreams reflected my mindset. This morning I’m saying another prayer of gratitude for God’s hand in keeping my husband safe. But now I’m going back into denial mode.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.


Write comments
11:31 AM delete

Oh my goodness. I am so thankful that he is ok!

12:56 PM delete

How Scary! I can't imagine that. So glad he is ok. Praying he has a safe winter!

2:45 PM delete

So glad he is okay!