Senseless Thoughts

Friday, December 14, 2012 5 Comments A+ a-

This is just me rambling, in no coherent order or rational reasoning.  Senseless thoughts on a senseless act…

  • Does anyone really have the “right” words during a time when a gunman enters an elementary school and kills 20 children, 7 adults, and himself?  I know that I’m a loss for words.
  • As the information got worse, I knew I wanted my kids home with me.  Illogical? Yes. But as a mother, it was my basest, my most primal instinct.
  • So I did.  I turned off the news, drove to the school, and checked Devyn out for the day.  The front office didn’t bat an eyelash, so I don’t think I was the first parent to show up.  I almost bawled when I saw Devyn’s sweet face.  I actually had to hold myself back from grabbing her and not letting go…
  • I also noticed the principal’s red eyes.  It was obvious she’d been crying. I just can’t imagine the weight that lies on her shoulders as every educator’s worst nightmare came true today.
  • We came home, turned on the Christmas music and made dough for Christmas cookies.
  • My sister, Allie, picked up Devyn and Hudson for Elliana’s birthday party (I’m home with sick babies) and when I hugged them goodbye, it was a little longer and a little tighter than necessary.  I just needed to feel their warm, little bodies against mine.
  • Every time I stop to really think about the victims, my heart beats painfully in my chest.  I can’t imagine what the families are going through, now planning funerals instead of making holiday memories.  I think of empty beds and I want to cry.
  • In moments like these, I’m so tempted to homeschool.  No, I can’t create a bubble for my Littles, but you can’t blame me for wanting to try.
  • Not going to lie… on days like today, I hate social media.  It was human nature at its finest. #sarcasmfont
  • This will never, ever make sense to me.  I will never understand what drives a man to gun down innocent, unarmed victims.  And the fact that the majority were kindergarteners makes me that much sicker to my stomach.
  • All day I kept thinking of Hudson and his classmates. Volunteering in his kindergarten classroom twice a month has allowed to me fall in love with each one of those kids.  I just… can’t…
  • Yesterday, intruders set a woman on fire when she answered the door; in China, a man yielding a knife injured 22 children; and this tragedy.  This world is full of monsters, human ones.
  • I was a college freshman when Columbine happened.  It was horrible and I ached on a human level.  Today I ache as a mother.  These are emotions and feelings that are universal when it comes to being a mama.
  • There are no words for a tragedy like this… None.

To the parents, the faculty, to the rescue workers, and the victims, both alive and taken too soon, the world aches and hurts with you.  When the burden is too heavy, we will do our best to stand in the gap for you.  We can’t take away your pain, but we can offer support in whatever way we can.  You will be in our thoughts and prayers in the days, weeks, and months ahead.  We won’t ever forget today; it affected us all.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

5 comments

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TerinAleah
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7:57 PM delete

I agree completely. I am so broken. :(

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Kelsey
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9:31 PM delete

I am not a mama yet, but my heart absolutely broke when I heard about this and nothing could have stopped the tears from running down my face. I thought of the Christmas presents of those sweet babes that are sitting under their families' trees, serving as a haunting reminder that their child is gone, taken away by the Devil in human form. Tragic doesn't even begin to describe what happened today :(

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10:41 PM delete

If I had littles I would also, with everything I have, be overly tempted to homeschool after what happened. It even makes me question bringing my own littles into the world.... even though I know a million percent I want to! It's just.... I still, I just can't comprehend what happened. I can't even begin to fathom what those experiencing it first hand (parents, families of victims etc.) are feeling when I, states away and not related, can't even handle it.

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9:38 PM delete

It is heartbreaking. You're right. There are no words. Only tears and prayers and emotion. I'm definitely hugging my little ones tighter.

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Holly
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9:14 AM delete

I truly believe we all share these thoughts. Even though I am not a mother I ache for every single person affected by that senseless tragedy and I pray that nothing like it ever happens again.

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