Line in the Sand

Tuesday, November 20, 2012 25 Comments A+ a-

There are times I want to draw a line in the sand, as if to say "Here, and no further." As if I can expect the Lord Almighty to say, "Oh, okay" and respect that I can't handle anything beyond that line. I wonder if it's with an amused smile or a sad shake of His head that He wonders at the smallness of my faith. And I can't help but wonder if that's the point. He knows the line as well as I do, where faith in my own coping skills end and full trust in Him begins. 2012 has been lesson after lesson in learning to trust God. Even now I find myself at a crossroads. How long must God repeat Himself before this lesson is learned and my trust is completely placed in Him, no matter where the line is drawn? Heck, at what point do I erase the line altogether because it no longer matters?

Two months ago I posted about our cancer scare with Dad. Two months ago I arrogantly said that since doctors weren't worried, I was voiding my own fear. (There's that whole trusting science over God bit again.) Two months of delayed biopsies and rescheduled biopsy results appointments. Two months of constant run around, further proving to me the lack of worry or urgency. And yet no matter my gut feeling to the news that a lump had been found in September, I was still shocked to hear, "Munchkin, it's cancer."

It appears that bad news and birthdays go hand-in-hand in 2012. (I hereby request that we forego anymore birthdays until 2013. I don't care that December is full of them.) And seeing that it was Devyn's birthday, I went into autopilot. No time to react, no time to dwell; choosing instead to celebrate her. There was a concert to watch and McDonald's dinner to enjoy, no time to process the fact that Dad has cancer. I still haven't cried, perhaps I'm afraid if I start, I won't stop. Yet I've been up since 2:00am, a sure sign that the news is sinking in.

Dad has an appointment with an oncologist next week. I wonder if the doctor is prepared to meet my parents, surrounded by the army of four, strong-willed daughters who are determined their dad will beat this thing. Its been said that there's nothing like a woman scorned, but I beg to differ. There's nothing like a daughter whose not willing to face a life without a parent. But in all seriousness, I can rest my soul in this. My God has this. Not me, not my dad, not even his doctors. My God will fight for us, we need only be still. For there is no one like my God. No one.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

25 comments

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7:56 AM delete

Exodus 14:14. My favorite verse, and oh so true. Praying for you, your dad, and your family!

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Jenn Getts
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8:03 AM delete

i love you friend. Covering your dad and all of you in prayer!! We serve a BIG God!!!

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komal tauqeer
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8:09 AM delete

I've been following your blog for over a year now, but this my first time commenting. I'm praying for your father and your family. May God give you strength to get through this difficult time.

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Holly
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8:10 AM delete

Praying for you all!!! <3

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kourtney
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8:11 AM delete

prayers go out to your and your family. god is good, and he is faithful! 1 peter 5:7

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Lauren
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8:12 AM delete

I am so so sorry!!! Praying for your dad, sweet friend!!

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8:12 AM delete

praying for you!

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Holly
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8:14 AM delete

I'm praying for you, your dad, and your family!!!

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Laura
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8:14 AM delete

So sorry about your dad. I know this has been a hard year! Praying for y'all and the doctors who are treating your dad!

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Julie P.
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8:30 AM delete

Healing peace and grace to you, your dear father, and the whole family, Jenn-- physical healing, of course, but also spiritual and emotional recovery from the roller coaster of life this year. My own dad received bad cancer news in fall 2010, and though it was a hard road there is so much it teaches about the power of faith to sustain and of family to support. I'll leave you with the verse he has made his email signature since his diagnosis: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

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9:05 AM delete

I will be praying for your dad and family Jenn!

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Amanda
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9:07 AM delete

Oh Jenn, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to each of you and I'll say a prayer for those oncologist.
Last year was a tough year for us. My mom was diagnosed with cancer on Sept 30th, Chemo/Radiation started on Halloween and last treatment was just days before the New Year. I was MORE than ready to kick 2011 to the curb. I went to every appointment with my mom starting with the ones before the diagnosis. The oncology clinic strongly encourages the entourage to be there so I'm sure you and your sisters will be well received.

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Lacy
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9:16 AM delete

Oh Jenn, I'm so sorry! I will pray for you and your family. Hang in there. My Dad is a cancer survivor of 15 years this year. And let me know tell you I understand your fears. If you want to talk I'm here.

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Sarah
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9:40 AM delete

Beautiful post, and you KNOW I'm praying! In fact, you've got a permanent spot on my mental "prayer list" indefinitely:). The speaker at our women's retreat a few weeks ago said that we often throw the condolence to people that "God won't give you more than you can handle", but the truth is actually the opposite, which you captured here. God is in the business of giving us more than we can handle because He wants us to depend fully on Him. This is the passage she taught from:
2 Corinthians 4:5-5:21
I also posted about what God taught me here:
http://comebreakbread.com/2012/11/11/we-remain-weak/

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~Sue
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10:14 AM delete

I have been recently reacquainted and re-encouraged by these words of Corrie Ten Boom:
"There is no pit so deep but Christ is deeper still."
May the Sanchez family know this full well.

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Natalie
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10:21 AM delete

I have no words for you Jen except I'm here if you need me and your family will be in prayers.

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Mateya
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10:35 AM delete

Praying for your family during this time!

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Meghan
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10:41 AM delete

Praying for your entire family Jenn, & definitely agree, doctors have nothing on your parents & you four girls!

*hugs* to you my sweet friend, please let me know if there is anything I can do for you!

<3

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Lisa C
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11:50 AM delete

You seem to know exactly where to turn for comfort. After having gone through the same thing with my dad, the only bit of wisdom I have to share is - Do not worry one little smidgen about what anyone says about your actions during this time. If you choose to spend every day with him and leave your kids with friends (just an example) or if you choose to only visit on weekends, it is your business and your dad's business. You do what works for YOUR family, not the one who is judging you. This, even at 51, is something I have to remind myself. Yes, these people mean well but it's your relationship. You go, girl!

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Timmarie
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12:17 PM delete

Sweet Jenn, know that you, your sisters, your mom and dad are all be covered in prayer in AZ. Much love to all of you.

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8:44 PM delete

Oh Jen, I'm so so sorry!! You and your sweet family are in my prayers!

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5:24 AM delete

Jenn! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

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7:27 AM delete

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I will keep him and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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Mommy Mandy
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7:52 AM delete

I am so so sorry Jenn:( I understand what you are going through, as my MIL is currently battling stage 3 lung cancer. Cancer sucks. I will be keeping your dad and whole family in my prayers!

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4:44 PM delete

I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers. Your Dad is too. Praying God envelops y'all in his love in the coming months. I hate cancer so much.

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