And a Time to be Quiet

Sunday, July 29, 2012 7 Comments A+ a-

I have been staring at a blinking cursor for well over a week now.  I swear its mocking me, the blinking cursor; daring me to type out the words that refuse to come.  If it had the ability to stick out its tongue at me, I’m sure it would have.

Don’t get me wrong, I have much I want to say.  But every time I pull up the screen to write, the words escape me.  I have a list of topics but I just can’t make the words jump from my mind to the screen.  Here’s just a small sampling of things that are perfectly worded and written.  In my head.

  • That 98.9% of the time, I am perfectly at peace and happy with our decision to be done having kids.  However, the other 1.1% of the time there’s a yearning, an ache, knowing that we’re done with that part of our lives.  This ache is especially painful around cute babies.  Note to self, avoid any place where I will be subjected to the squishy faces of infants.
  • The difference between religion and faith, and how too often the two words are used interchangeably. The fact of the matter is, they are two very different things.  And I prefer one over the other.
  • How much the Olympic Games remind me of The Hunger Games.  As someone said on Twitter the other night, I keep expecting someone to utter the words, “May the odds be ever in your favor.”
  • Friendships.  Especially how this season has changed such an important part of my life.  How I miss friends, old and new, dearly!  But in this season of life, time and energy is being poured into the lives of my Littles and husband.  There’s precious little leftover to give to friends in the way that I used to and desire to still.  Someday, I’ll have that back, but in the meantime, know I love you all and think of you often!
  • How grace and mercy and love are beautiful pieces to the puzzle.  Those words and actions have saved me more than once during my 32 years.  But it seems to me that the other parts, righteousness and absolute truths and holiness, are sadly missing from the equation.  The two sides must be equally balanced.  It’s a tension that God commanded, and one that is hard to maintain, but it shouldn’t be for lack of trying.
  • Remember the time when Hudson and Reagan were wrestling on the floor and suddenly Hudson started screaming in pain?!  I forgot to mention it?  Nothing, I repeat nothing, prepared me for the words that were uttered next.  “Reagan! Don’t bite my pen!s.”  Sigh.  Poor guy.  And totally a story that will be repeated often in the years to come.
  • Marriage and newlyweds.  Oh thank goodness for the newlywed stage, when everything is going just as it should and the future is bright and rosy and pink.  Because one day, you’ll look across the room, in the midst of a fight, and wonder why you thought this marriage thing was a good idea.  Its true.  But there’s beauty in the years after too.  And the knowledge that at the end of every valley, another mountain appears.  It gives us a reason to keep going, waiting for the next summit.

See?  I’m not without things to write about.  Just that the words don’t come.  And I’m learning to be ok with that.  Because often times, when the words don’t come, its because I’m being told to be quiet, to listen, to learn.  Apparently there’s a lot to teach me right now. 

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

7 comments

Write comments
Neely
AUTHOR
5:10 PM delete

Love having you blogging again :)

Reply
avatar
6:02 PM delete

Oh my, poor Hudson! Totally agree with religion/faith. Glad you're back!

Reply
avatar
MamaBear
AUTHOR
6:18 PM delete

I think little babies will always have that effect regardless of whether we want to add to our family or not. What helped me know we were suppose to have one more was the yearning for another person to love...and to bring more love in return. The feeling was there whether I was around babies or not. Does that make sense?

It is always good to hear from you....glad you found the words to share with us!

Reply
avatar
MamaBear
AUTHOR
6:18 PM delete

I think little babies will always have that effect regardless of whether we want to add to our family or not. What helped me know we were suppose to have one more was the yearning for another person to love...and to bring more love in return. The feeling was there whether I was around babies or not. Does that make sense?

It is always good to hear from you....glad you found the words to share with us!

Reply
avatar
Christine
AUTHOR
8:34 PM delete

Well said. Even when "the words won't/ can't come" for you, you are still such a great writer and get it all out perfectly. I was nodding my head with a lot of this. I've missed you too (and honestly, it wasn't even that long). :)

Reply
avatar
Brittany TYD
AUTHOR
9:00 AM delete

Your honesty is constantly inspiring... even when it involves a ridiculously hilarious wrestling match... oh kids.

Reply
avatar
Lacy
AUTHOR
6:14 PM delete

Ouch for Mr. Hudson. I have four small children, three being boys and I have yet to hear that. Thankfully I'm sure it's cause none of them have thought about it. :)

I definitely agree with you on the baby thing. I can no longer have children and it just breaks my heart. I know it's for the best but I'm still want children about 35% of the time. Ha

Reply
avatar