Sacred Marriage, Chapter 6

Tuesday, January 10, 2012 2 Comments A+ a-

This chapter was one of the most convicting chapters I’ve read so far.  And so many highlighted sections that I’m having a hard time deciding where to focus this post.

I have a theory: Behind virtually every case of marital dissatisfaction lies unrepented sin.  Couples don’t fall out of love, so much as they fall out of repentance.

He goes on to give an example of a married couple who have drifted far apart in their marriage.  As he counsels them, the husband blames a lot of the distance on the fact that they have nothing in common anymore, that he is no longer challenged by her emotionally or intellectually.  As the counselor digs deeper…

The truth is, he did value writing computer code over spending time with his family – but instead of admitting and reevaluating that attitude, he blamed everything on his wife.

This made me pause and look at my own marriage through these new lenses.  Could it be true?  Are my disappointments in our marriage, in Jon, because of an unconfessed sin in my own life?  When I find myself getting annoyed at the things he does, or doesn’t do, what sin in my own life have I not recognized, confessed, and sought forgiveness for?

And just as that thought sunk in, and a list formulated in my head of things that needed confession, I was given another revelation.

…go to the next step and adopt the positive virtue that corresponds to the sin you are renouncing… If you’ve been quick to ridicule your husband, practice giving him encouragement and praise.

Wow.  I instantly thought of our situation with Devyn, lying, and hot sauce.  A hard lesson for her to learn, but hopefully a punishment that corresponded with the crime.  How similar is this idea?!  And a great idea that I most certainly want to implement.  Not only am I to seek forgiveness, I’m to create a new positive behavior in its place. 

The times that I am happiest and most fulfilled in my marriage are the times when I am intent on drawing meaning and fulfillment from becoming a better [wife] rather than demanding a “better” [husband].

Truer words were never spoken, I can attest that this has been true of my marriage.  Now I’m off to do some soul-searching… 

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.


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8:44 AM delete

I finished reading last night and had every single part you quoted highlighted too! We have dinner plans thursday but I'm hoping to make the chat over Chapter 6- it was just SO good and I can't wait to hear what all the ladies have to say!

Kay Holt
8:54 AM delete

I am inspired and will be getting this book to read. Me and my husband need some revamping and this looks like a great read! Thank you for posting!