Another year older…

Thursday, September 08, 2011 5 Comments A+ a-

il_fullxfull_244920084When I look back on weeks leading up to my 30th birthday, I have to laugh at myself.  I was so vain and afraid of that dreaded milestone…  As if my life would have no meaning outside of my twenties, as if the twenties represented the pinnacle, the highlight of my life.  It felt very traumatic, but I can look back now and laugh about it.

Oh ye of little faith.

I turned 32 on Tuesday.  32.  Two years past that dreaded birthday and I can honestly tell you that I’m loving my thirties.  There’s such a sense of self about these years.  I feel like not only have I grown into myself, but I actually like who I am. 

I don’t know about you, but I felt like I had so much to prove in my twenties.  Prove that I knew what I was doing, prove that I’d made the right decisions with my life, prove that my life mattered.  I had an explanation for everything, arguments to win, and vast knowledge to share with the rest of the world.   (Um, actually, I’m still like that sometimes.) 

All that proving I had to do led to a pretty self-righteous, pious, and insecure life.  For as much as I wanted the world to know how right I was, I was equally afraid that others would see right through me for the fraud that I was.  For every answer I had, questions and doubt followed close behind.

However, within the past few years I’m finally feeling comfortable and liking who I am.  I don’t have all the answers, and I’m ok with that.  I no longer feel the need to measure my failures or successes against someone else.  I like that I’m sassy, opinionated, and a little bit loud.  I no longer feel like defending my parenting decisions or passing judgment on another who parents differently than I do.

Now don’t mistake what I’m saying.  Just because I’m comfortable in this skin, doesn’t mean that I’m not comfortable with all my failings.  I seem to be even more aware of areas that I need to work on, and I find a deeper desire to smooth out those rough edges.

But, overall, the thirties are being good to me.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

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Mindy
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8:19 PM delete

Great insight! I remember reading your post about turning 30 (was that really 2 years ago?) and thinking how young and vibrant you are (and still are). Thanks for being real and sharing this with us! Happy Birthday, Jenn!

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Lauren
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7:04 AM delete

LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!! As a 27 year old I struggle with these very things being in my 20s!!!

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Cari
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9:18 AM delete

I'm turning thirty-five on Monday and I dreaded turning thirty as well. I had an awful time with it. I can truly say that while I miss some of the fun things I did in my twenties because I had more time to do them, I love my thirties. I feel like "me" FINALLY!

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Amber
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2:19 PM delete

30 sounds so much more womanly! :)

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Momof4Girls
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8:40 AM delete

Jenn, I LOVE this post!! =) It's SOOO TRUE!! And the thing is, the older you get, you DO feel more that way! Some of the things that mattered when we're younger, just don't seem as important now. You look back and realize those things aren't important, and the REAL important things like faith, family, and relationships become more important. The REAL blessings of life!!
Happy Birthday to you, my first born. Dad and I love you more than you know. (Shopping this week!!) =)
Love, Mom

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