Saying Goodbye

Monday, August 22, 2011 8 Comments A+ a-

The hardest part of loving is saying goodbye.

Devyn (18 months) and Zeus

I woke this morning with gritty eyes.  The kind where your eyes throb and feel about 100lbs heavier, the kind that itch and ache.  The kind born of a good cry; a good indication of how I spent my Sunday.

Its been an emotional weekend for my family and for those that know us in real life, know why.  After 12 years, my mom and sister made the hard decision to put down our loyal, devoted, and loving dog Zeus.  Its nearly impossible to describe all that Zeus meant to us, and I couldn’t even begin to do him justice. 

But Courtney could.  And she did here.  (I’m warning you, have the tissues handy.)

I woke to this moving post yesterday morning and the tears started falling.  And kept coming throughout the day.  I had to stop and ask myself why this was affecting me so badly, after all, he really belonged to Mom and Courtney.  But then as I let myself stop and ask that question, I realized.

  • Saying goodbye to Zeus was saying goodbye to a time in our life.  A time that was hard and scary.  And he represented the start of something new and good in our family.
  • It brought up some old wounds, a lot of old feelings and emotions.  Things that while they’ve been dealt with and healed, are still tender and difficult to remember.
  • It was the day before Devyn started 1st grade.  My baby, in all day school, for the first time.  My heart ached and mourned as I realized this was just the start of allowing her to grow into her own person.
  • And how true it is that “the hardest part of loving is saying goodbye.”

Yesterday was a hard day.  I was a mess of jumbled thoughts and emotions, crying over what was, what is, and what will be.  How Courtney said goodbye to her best friend, I’ll never know.  How my parents were able to drive away from Remuda Ranch and their sick daughter for months, I can’t begin to understand.  How mothers can be happy for their children on high school graduation day, while their own heart is aching, I’ll someday find out. 

I realize that it would be easy for one to close themselves up and protect their heart from such losses, and I can’t say that I would blame them.  There are times, in the midst of heartache, that I’m half-tempted to do such a thing.  But then I’d miss out on all the joy that life has to offer. 

A joy that comes with watching your 6-year-old daughter find her name on a desk, the excitement in her eyes of setting up her desk with new school supplies, putting pencils and erasers under the lip of the desktop.  A joy that comes with watching her greet classmates and her teacher with exuberance and delight. 

Yes, I’ll take the goodbyes that come with loving because all the good far outweighs the pain. 

1stDaySchoolCollageHappy first day of 1st grade, Devyn Paige!

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

8 comments

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Vicki
AUTHOR
10:17 PM delete

Oh Jenn, I'm so sorry for your loss! I know how hard it is, I had to put down my childhood dog a few years ago ... it was the hardest thing I ever had to do ... have you ever heard the poem: The Rainbow Bridge? It gives me great comfort: http://www.googlemenow.us/RainbowBridge.png

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Christine
AUTHOR
10:43 PM delete

What a sweet post Jenn. I feel like I've been very sentimental and emotional too. I simply can not believe that Devyn is in 1st grade. Where has the time gone?

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Amber
AUTHOR
7:24 AM delete

Oh Jenn this was a beautiful post. I almost cried! I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I know that a pet can become part of a family, and it's always hard to choose whether or not we should stop their suffering or keep them to ourselves for a little bit longer. Thinking of you! <3

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Momof4Girls
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7:38 AM delete

What a beautiful post. Yes, loving makes saying goodbye so hard. I still can't believe that Zeus is gone....it's much harder than I thought it would be...=( I think you are so right, he not only was an important part of our family, but he helps represent the good and happy back in the family during that scarey time. He will be greatly missed....
As for Devyn Paige...ALL DAY school!! =( The years go by fast, honey....but I have told you this since she was born, and here we are already, in first grade!! Cherish.every.single.moment!!
Love, Mom

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Ashley
AUTHOR
9:17 AM delete

That was such a sweet post. I am so sorry for your loss. A dog can feel like a member of the family. I cried like a baby when we put ours down. : ( And I can't believe Devyn is in 1st grade. So sad and exciting all at once. Thinking of and praying for you!

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5:55 PM delete

What a sweet post. I am so, so sorry for your loss!

Happy first day to Devyn. She looks so pretty :)

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Courtney
AUTHOR
9:20 PM delete

So true, I wouldn't have traded a day with Zeus for anything.
Give Ms. Paige a hug and kiss from me and tell her she looked gorgeous on her first day.

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Wendy
AUTHOR
4:20 PM delete

So sorry, Jenn. We just went through this about 2 weeks ago, after having our dog for almost 15 years. It was so so hard for all of us. :(

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