My Thoughts on 2010
Last January, I wrote about how I was going to dedicate one word to 2010 and that word was Authenticity. As we’re about to embark on a new year, I’m forced to evaluate how I lived out that challenge. As much as I hate to admit it, I can’t help but feel that I fell short of that goal.
As events unfolded in 2010, I found myself withdrawing more and spending more time in self-reflection. Unfortunately, I’m not sure that I was able to convey my struggles and reflections as eloquently and as transparently as I would have liked. As much as I like to be real and transparent with family, friends, and on the blog, I lacked the motivation to do so. I’m a little discouraged that I wasn’t able to do follow through on my objective.
I then turned my thoughts to what word would have described this year and I kept coming back to Faith. And perhaps not in the ways you might think.
2009 and early 2010 was the time in which I matured the most as a Christian. I was so eager for Him, His words, His thoughts, His presence; I’ve never felt such a thirst for my Lord in all my 30 years. It was unquenchable and I can’t tell you how much I grew and learned during that time.
Then the Lord started challenging me, asking Jon and I to take leaps out of our comfort zone and into a full reliance on Him. Even though I was sure that I was ready for those steps, I’m embarrassed to say that my actions proved otherwise.
They were not steps or leaps borne of the Lord’s confidence, but with such fear and timidity. With each new event, I found myself drifting further away from my daily quiet times and dependence on Him. I worried over circumstances and depended more on our human weaknesses than my Lord’s strengths.
And yet, I’m still thankful and proud of the fact that no matter how we feared, we still obeyed Him and took the steps He asked of us, uncertain of where He was leading. And perhaps, too, the year of spiritual maturity and growth sustained my Faith this year, when I walked more in the valleys than the mountain tops.
While I wish I had shared the struggles of this year with you all in a more authentic way, I’m also very aware that God worked a different theme in my life this year. I’m not done being refined by Him (and the refinement process is not fun, my friends), but I do hope that 2011 will bring more consistent quiet times with my Lord and I’m praying for the unquenchable thirst to return. He and I are in the midst of talking about themes for 2011, and I wonder where He’ll walk me this year.