Two Blue Lines

Thursday, April 15, 2010 7 Comments A+ a-

Two blue lines… That’s all I saw for three days. Two blue lines.

Unlike my previous pregnancies where there was an immediate attachment upon getting a positive pregnancy test, this time I couldn’t equate those two blue lines with a baby. I think my head understood what those two lines meant. Lines + 9 Months = Baby. But my heart wasn’t quite ready to accept that fact.

So for three days, I simply stared at those lines.

There were questions, and concerns voiced out loud. I asked Jon how he knew, how did he possibly know something that wasn’t even a thought in my own mind. His response? A shrug. “I just knew,” he said. Right.

He believed me, right? He knew this was something I’d never want to trick him into, right? He always answered with a self-assured nod, of course not. You're not that kind of person, and it takes two to tango. (Literally.)

I worried about sleeping arrangements if Baby #4 turns out to be another girl. Jon was quick and decisive with a plan of putting either Hudson or Devyn into the basement bedroom and the two younger girls could share a room.

He was my rock, my calm in the midst of the storm, and I truly don’t know what I would’ve done without him. He always had an answer for each concern and question of mine, and was quick to offer reassurances and hope in what seemed an unlikely, impossible situation.

Then one night, days after those two blue lines appeared, I was cooking dinner when Jon snuck up behind me, snuck his arm around my middle, and placed his hand over my womb. “How’s the little one, Mama?” he whispered in my ear.

I froze.

That’s when my heart connected to my head.

A baby… another sibling for our children… another blessing in this already chaotic home… another miracle growing inside of me.

Who am I to be so blessed? I can’t begin to tell you how unworthy I feel of this calling, how inept I feel at times. But I'm grateful. And excited. And already in love with this growing babe.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

7 comments

Write comments
Christina
AUTHOR
11:11 AM delete

the love is amazing. and the Daddies are pretty great too. :) Good job, mama!

Reply
avatar
Sarah
AUTHOR
11:56 AM delete

smiling:)! Thanks for your encouragement yesterday. Chloe's little episode doesn't change my heart about wanting a forth a bit, I know these little growing people are counting on us for teaching and the kind of love (as close as we can get at least) that Christ has for them demonstrated in us. Whenever we are feeling inadequate for the task, that's when God whispers in our ear, "good, now let me carry this burden, and let me give you the strength for every moment".

Reply
avatar
Christina
AUTHOR
12:45 PM delete

This little baby will be truly blessed to have you two as parents. You are such a beautiful mommy! :-)

Reply
avatar
12:45 PM delete

Thanks for sharing your beautiful honest heart.

Reply
avatar
Christine
AUTHOR
10:38 PM delete

I love this post. I'm getting excited for another niece or nephew too.

Reply
avatar
Wendy
AUTHOR
7:49 AM delete

It's so good that we don't have to travel this road alone. He showers us w/His grace daily, and raising these little people brings us to our knees, and we see our need for Him even more.

It's a blessing indeed!

Reply
avatar
Melody
AUTHOR
10:58 PM delete

:) Congratulations on the new little one! I love how your explained when your heart and head connected. It brought tears my eyes.

Reply
avatar