4 Days To Go

Tuesday, April 27, 2010 5 Comments A+ a-

Four days and counting until I’m officially a full-time stay-at-home-mommy. Four days. Wow.

You’d think as the day crept closer I’d be giddy and overwrought with excitement, but you’d be mistaken. (Just keeping it real, folks, keeping it real.) Instead, the reality of being without my consistent income is weighing on my mind.

Jon and I pretty upfront and open about our struggles with finances with anyone face-to-face; however, we’re both in agreement that those struggles should stay off the world wide web. Otherwise, if you know us in person, by all means, feel free to ask. We’re an open book.

But I do feel I can share this small tidbit with you all; I am the financial worrier of the two of us. I’m the one that’ll lay awake when I don’t understand how the finances will work out, I’m the one that stresses over bills or the amount (or lack thereof) in our checking account. Yep, it’s me. This is a HUGE change for us, one that I have no doubt will benefit us as a family, but it doesn’t negate the fact that I worry.

“…give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the Lord?” And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name.” Proverbs 30:8-9

I don’t need, nor want, riches. (Not that I think rich people are bad! Just wanted to clarify there.) I simply believe that with having riches comes a whole new set of pitfalls that I’m not sure I could avoid, one of which, is starting to rely on that money instead of God to pull you through hard times. My head believes that God will provide for our needs (our needs, Jenn, not the blackberry, not the cable TV, our needs), now it’s just a matter of getting my heart to believe the same.

Truly, this state of living in the in-between, not quite done with work but almost there, has created quite a conflict of feelings in this already overcome Mama on hormones. Euphoria vs. worry, excitement vs. melancholy. Poor Jon, I can’t imagine what it must be like to live with me right now. And I imagine if you ask me a week from now, I’ll probably have a completely different answer for you.

But this is the here and now. I’m four short days away from saying good-bye to coworkers, an environment, I’ve known for ten years. They’ve seen me go from single woman to married to mother of three in those ten years, and I will miss all of them greatly. I imagine Friday is going to be an extremely emotional day for me.

However, in four short days, I will also be home with my children, where I have wanted to be for the past 5+ years. Wow.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

5 comments

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Mary
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11:24 AM delete

Praying for you during this transition. God has it all in His hands and nothing surprises Him. So no worries girl! No worries! :) ((hugs))

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Amanda
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11:54 AM delete

God has a great plan, and you are going to bless your children so so so much by being home with them! We never know how things are going to work out... but God does!

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Sarah
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1:27 PM delete

I know this is going to be a hard transition, but God is faithful! He will carry you through it and show you the blessing of this hard choice. And I love that verse in proverbs! you are entering a whole new stage of stewardship and trust, and it may not be comfortable, but God often works the most in our lives when we're uncomfortable. You know I'm here for you;).

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Christine
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10:05 PM delete

I've been there, I can totally relate, and I can only say that God is faithfull! He does provide! I'm sure friday will be a mixture of emotions, but just think, starting next week you get to be home. Full time. Yeah!

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Christina
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9:58 AM delete

HAving the faith to make this step is a huge blesing, Jenn. We are in the same boat, but am not sure we have the same amount of trust and faith in our ability to deal without my income. It is scary. I admire you both and a teensy part of me is jealous. (ok, so it is not so teensy) :) Enjoy it, and know that few decisions cannot be undone if you change your mind later.

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