Not A Fun Post

Thursday, January 21, 2010 13 Comments A+ a-

This is a heavy topic, especially after such a light post as my giveaway. In fact, before I start, I feel I should write a disclaimer before anyone continues any further. One, this is a heavy topic, involving my thoughts on x-rated materials. I am passionate about it and I am opinionated about it, so if you don’t want to read it, stop now. Secondly, this is not about any one person. This addiction has touched all aspects of my life, be it through family or friends or acquaintances, and I am not singling any one person out. If you think I’m talking about you, I’m not. But maybe God is.

I hate porn.

With an all-consuming passion, I have the most intense hatred for pornography.

Trust me, I am very aware that God views all sin on the same level; there is not one sin that is greater than another. I get that, ok? However, in my experiences, I have yet to find a sin that is so morally degrading, damaging, and harmful to a person and their family than a sexual addiction.

The statistics are staggering. I literally felt sick to my stomach as I read these statistics online.
  • More than 70% of men from the 18-34 age group visit a pornographic site in a typical month.

  • A 1996 Promise Keepers survey at one of their stadium events revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with pornography within one week of attending the event.

  • 29% of born again adults in the U.S. feel it is morally acceptable to view movies with explicit sexual behavior (The Barna Group).

  • 57% of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation (Christians and Sex Leadership Journal Survey, March 2005).

  • March 20, 2007: At a men's summit in Oregon before 2,000 men, Shelley Lubben of Shelley Lubben ministries challenged those who were struggling with porn addiction to stand. 30% rose to their feet. She immediately challenged them a second time, with the result that some 70% were standing.

  • 60% of all website visits are sexual in nature (MSNBC Survey 2000).

Sad, isn’t it? There are so many other resources and statistics online regarding Christian men and their addiction to pornography, feel free to check them out.

I feel there are two groups of men when it comes to a pornography addiction. There are those that started out with a peek at a lingerie catalog or an explicit movie scene, thinking to themselves it was no big deal. And that moved to a more sexual magazine, which then moved to a movie, which then moved to online stuff. It’s a slippery slope, my friends, until finally those men no longer recognize themselves and are unable to turn away from it. They know it’s wrong, but they can’t seem to stop.

The second group of men really, truly believe there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing. After all, it’s in a man’s nature to appreciate the female body. (That was said with complete sarcasm, by the way.) Or every man does this, it’s just part of being a man. Even Christian men are known to take this stance, truly not being able to comprehend that viewing naked women is not only damaging to their relationship with God, but its effecting every aspect of their lives, their marriage, their children.

I feel for the men in the first group, aware of the effects their sin is having on their life but unable to stop. I can’t imagine being in the grip of a sin, wanting out but not knowing how. The second group just makes me angry; very, very angry. Regardless of where a man falls, in the first or second group, they need to realize that WE, as women, are usually pretty aware when a man is involved in pornography. One might as well be wearing a neon sign on their forehead saying “I watch porn”. It’s apparent in every way, in the way they treat women, in the way they interact with women. You may think you’re hiding this big, dark secret, but WE know!

I wish I had some meaningful, insightful words here to offer, but I don’t. Just my intense hatred of something that is so prevalent in our society. I hate the way that women become objects, something to lust after, something to own. We no longer are people, we’re an object to adore. Can you imagine the damage that does to a woman’s self-esteem?! Wondering, knowing, that we’re supposed to look a certain way and knowing we can’t possibly become close to that image?! What kind of message is that sending to our daughters? That you have no worth as a human being?! That her value is in how she looks?! No, I won’t settle for that; I won’t settle for that for my daughters!

What is it teaching our sons? As I talked this over with a friend recently, wondering how to shelter my son from this, I loved her response. “God is returning before then; we won’t have to deal with it.” And while her answer was so very funny (and I wish it were true), the reality is that somehow we have to teach our sons to turn from it every time.

And when pornography has taken place in the marital bed, forget intimacy in a marriage. How is a woman supposed to compete with the images that are playing in her husband’s mind? As much as any woman says she doesn’t have a problem with it, sooner or later, she will soon grow uncomfortable as she starts to wonder which woman her husband is thinking of in that moment. Not to mention how clear the bible is on lusting after another woman; I truly believe it is a form of adultery.

I realize that there is temptation around every corner. There’s the movies on TV, the pop-ups on our computers, the magazines at gas stations and grocery stores. There is the woman in the low-cut dress sitting next to us, or the bikini-clad woman a few towels down on the beach. It is right there, tempting men at every turn. Jon and I have had so many conversations lately regarding this very subject, and he’s been so open with me regarding the temptations that face him every single day! It takes a determined effort to turn away every… single… time! He has to choose several times a day that our marriage is too important to jeopardize in any way. And it saddens me that my husband has to place this much willpower on something that wasn’t so readily available to our grandfathers and great-grandfathers. With the internet so available nowadays, even our fathers didn’t have near the temptations that men face today.

I am sad, and I am angry, and I am resolute in my hatred of pornography. Just know, as impossible as it may seem to quit, there are so many resources available. Do it for your wife, or your sons, or daughters, or do it for yourself. And even if none of those reasons seems good enough, do it because that’s what God has called you to do. It won’t be easy, but just think of all you stand to gain!

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

13 comments

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Amanda
AUTHOR
7:11 AM delete

I was at an American Library Association conference this past weekend. At the convention center, they had free internet labs. I went in one to check my email, but I had to leave because the guy next to me was looking at porn! So inappropriate in any setting, but especially in a public place. I feel like I've been violated just by accidentally glimpsing it. I can't erase that image from my mind. Ew.

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Mindy
AUTHOR
8:51 AM delete

Amen! This is a topic very close to my heart, if that is the right way to put it. This has affected me in so many ways, it is so truly damaging. Thank you for being open about your opinions and for calling on the Truth.

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Joy
AUTHOR
9:09 AM delete

I've been disturbed by how much is crawling into our normal television too. We try to find series that my husband & I can enjoy together but I am quickly disgusted by so many!

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Jenna
AUTHOR
9:24 AM delete

Amen! I couldnt agree with you more on everything you just said! Way to put it out there!

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Anonymous
AUTHOR
11:38 AM delete

I had a friend tell my husband that a good cure for pron was to take pictures of your wife like that. I find that even more disturbing and gross. I would never allow it to happen.

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Sarah
AUTHOR
2:02 PM delete

such a heartbreaking sin Jen, so true! This is part of the reason I may er on the side of over-protection when it comes to my kids and the use of technology, but regardless, I think the bottom line is, we have more work to do than parents in generations past, that's just the reality of it. Dialoging about this with our kids probably needs to happen earlier than we think and we do need to protect them from the addicting and damaging images that try to assault their eyes every day. TV, cell phones, internet, all of it. And ultimately, modeling what it looks like to depend on the Lord to give us the strength to turn away from temptations and to live inside the abundant life HE has for us, not the false pleasures the world has to offer. I miss you friend, call me SOON!

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Christine
AUTHOR
2:13 PM delete

I know this wasn't easy for you to post, but I'm so glad you did.
It's something that needs to be talked about, and it's NOT innocent or harmless.
I'm saddened by how many marriages have been broken or damaged because of porn.

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Robin
AUTHOR
8:37 PM delete

Thank you for being willing to post about such an important topic, but one that no one likes to talk about. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by this very sin. He was giving in to his flesh and my own flesh was wanting to walk away from him. God gave me the strength to see him the way God saw him, in bondage and shame and in need of a Savior. Just like I had been. God gave me the strength to forgive and when he gave his heart to Christ, God restored our marriage. It is so important to talk about this subject. To encourage anyone whose life is being destroyed by this to reach out and not keep it in the dark anymore. And I have the same concerns about teaching my kids. I have boys and girls and my desire is for them all to life lives that are pure and pleasing to God. And it starts by giving them the tools to guard their hearts. God's word. "I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:11 Okay, I could go on and on...sorry! Thanks again for being willing to write this post!

Robin

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Wendy
AUTHOR
2:05 PM delete

Thanks for posting this. I feel the same way. I hate it. It's everywhere and it's disgusting. I hate how even some commercials during the day aren't appropriate.

We have started talking w/our kids about how women should dress.

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Anonymous
AUTHOR
2:48 PM delete

Jen, great post.

I love u
Colleen

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Anonymous
AUTHOR
9:33 PM delete

Jenn-
I'm proud of you for writing this blog entry honey. You speak about it very well and with truth. Pornograsphy is one of Satan's BIGGEST weapons!! Not only against a Christian man's walk and his mind, but against the Christian marriages out there effected by it!! May we all always stand and live by the truth of God's Word, pray for the men in our lives, and pray against pornopgrahy's hold!
I love you, Mom

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11:09 PM delete

I never realized how big of a temptation this was until the past couple of months when our pastor has brought it up multiple different times speaking of struggles. Thanks for posting about this and bringing awareness about it affecting us all. The reality is, it's scary!

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Brian
AUTHOR
5:35 AM delete

I would like to say that I was one of those men in group #1. I started out lightly with the suggestive material and moved into real porn. 5 years ago I realized I was addicted. Today I am out of that lifestyle and it doesn't have a hold on me anymore. Praise God. I still am tempted, and will be while I am in this fleshly body. But porn no longer owns me!
How to quit using pornography

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