Good to be Back!

Thursday, June 11, 2009 6 Comments A+ a-

I’ve been a little absent this week, and I can’t exactly pinpoint why.

I know that there was a situation online that has me kind of bugged out. I won’t go into too many details, as I don’t want to direct any kind of traffic here, but involved a blog and a baby that never was. While I, myself, doubted the sincerity of the blog from the beginning, and felt guilty for doing so, there were many people who had invested themselves emotionally and financially into her story. Personally I am just sad. Sad for the people who were sincere in offering up prayers, encouragement, and support; only to be duped. Sad for her, the author of the blog; it is apparent that she is a very sick girl and needs immediate help. And sad because it makes you realize just how tenuous the virtual world is. I’m usually not so concerned with having a blog, but this situation did make me pause. But I’m not going anywhere.

(And if you have no idea of what I’m referring to, and are burning with curiosity, please visit either MckMama or Angie. You can start there.)

I’ve also been busy, reflecting, growing, learning, etc. This summer is going to be a time of growth for me, I can feel it. Even before the Beth Moore conference in Wyoming last month, my family had plans to delve into her Esther study. The group consists of mostly female relatives, including one family friend who is considered family. And the age gap is so wide, from my 15-year-old cousin up to my 70+ grandmother; it will be great to get perspectives from the different ages and walks of life. The study is incredible! There is so much meat to dive into; I find that I have to restrain myself from delving further into the study now. Saturday mornings are something I look forward to all week.

But in leading up to the study, that conference spoke to me. If you read Beth Moore’s blog at all, you’ll know she touched on the conference subject briefly. And it was brief. There’s no way she could have given all the information she taught that weekend in a blog post. In reviewing Psalms 66, she gave detailed reasons why we train for this race called life. It was inspiring. It was convicting. It was exactly what I needed to get my butt in gear.

Four things spoke loud and clear to me that weekend. Lesson one, Beth was quite clear in asking of each of us, “Are you willing to train?” Never have I wanted to jump to my feet, pump my fist in the air, and shout, “YES!” as much as I did that weekend. And so, I’m training. Ever since that conference, I have been up between 5:45 and 6:00am. Without an alarm clock. Let me repeat that again, without an alarm clock! Me, the woman who adores sleep with every fiber of my being, is up with the sun and diving into my “training” first thing. (After I fix a cup of coffee first, that is. How else am I supposed to stay awake during the day?!)

Lesson #2. Beth shared a text message between herself and Mary Beth Chapman on the anniversary of Mary Beth’s daughter’s death. And the line she wanted to share with us was this, that despite the horrendous year they’d been through, despite the lows, the mourning, Mary Beth was able to say with absolute certainty, “It is all true!” God is God, no matter the circumstances, no matter the situation, no matter whether He gave you a yes or no to your request, it doesn’t change Who He Is and everything about Him is True. I don’t know why babies are sick; I don’t know why people are diagnosed with cancer or lose jobs; I don’t know why teenagers go into schools with guns. But He is unwavering, unchanging, and true, even in the midst of those circumstances.

Lesson #3. I have been in bondage to fear. I can write a whole post on this topic alone, so I will leave it for now and return to it another time. But I’m ready to move past it, I’m ready to leave that bondage behind and start living today.

Lesson #4. Titus. For her last segment during the conference, Beth asked that all women under the age of 30 (yes, I’m aware that in three months I can no longer join that group) on the floor, nearest to her. I thought my friend, M, was going to pee her pants, she was so excited to be that close to Beth. But what happened during that segment will stay with me. There was a whole auditorium of women behind us that are older, that are wiser, and that are more experienced. They’ve been running this race for a long time and they have stories, advice, and support to offer us! Beth commissioned them with Titus 2, in taking us younger women, the next generation of Christians, under their wing. If you’ve ever done a Beth Moore study, or been to one of her conferences, then you’ve heard her talk about the hair standing up on her arm when she feels God’s presence. Yeah. I have no doubt that God was there, in that auditorium, throughout the weekend, yes, but especially at that moment!

Do you remember when I talked of a revival? Well, it’s here, within my own spirit and body. I can’t seem to get enough of Him. When I wake up in the morning and contemplate going back to sleep, all I have to remember is that I get to go spend time with my Lord. I can feel the giddiness in my step and I’m in the kitchen pouring that cup of hazelnut coffee, snuggling in front of our fireplace, and digging in. (Of course, I’d prefer to take this time outside but we’re having some weird weather fronts right now and it won’t stop raining.)

It feels good to be back!

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.


Write comments
3:09 PM delete

Good for you friend! Cherish this peak time in your walk. See you next Wednesday night, if not before.

5:06 PM delete

Great post....and today
I could write an entire post on being in bondage to fear. I hate it....

Thanks for sharing your heart. I love your blog.

5:30 PM delete

Thanks again for sharing your heart! I'm so excited for you and a little bit jealous of what sounds like an AWESOME bible study!!

This week has been a time of reflection for me as well. I love my blog, I love the people I've met through blogging, I love that so many memories are preserved for my family but all that's happened this week has been a wake up call for sure.

Blessings to your whole family from Minnesota!

5:35 PM delete

I followed that blog too. I also had my "questions", as there were some definite red flags... but I wanted to be sincere in praying for her. It all makes me so sad.

9:47 PM delete

You're such an encouragement and an example to me. The Bible study sounds incredible. How blessed you are to have family around willing to go into such an indepth study with you. Enjoy!

9:57 PM delete

I LOVED this blog! I think we are all beimg called to have the "revival" in our hearts and lives! The church IS being sifted! I a SOOO excited to do this Beth Moore Esther study with you and the others! I pray that we all become stronger women of God through it.
I love you,