Unworthy, But Grateful

Thursday, April 09, 2009 2 Comments A+ a-

Things are happening in Munchkin Land, specifically with me. I’m pretty sure that the events of the past week have accelerated the feelings of anxiousness that usually accompany my post-partum depression. I do want to reiterate that while I may be dealing with anxiety, I am not depressed and that is a huge improvement for me; I’m just more like my father than either one of us wants to admit.

While I have a whole post on that last statement alone, I don’t want to delve into it today. Easter Sunday is just days away, the most victorious day in the Christian faith, and as such, I really just want to reflect on the fullness of my life and the blessings I’ve been given.

  • Hudson’s big, expressive eyes as we chase each other around the couch.
  • The sound of Devyn and Hudson’s hysterical laughter as they twirl and run into each other while “dancing”.
  • Reagan hiding her face in my shoulder as she flirts with her daddy.
  • The comfort and security of Jon’s arms as he pulls me into a hug.
  • The taste and smells of homemade bread.
  • The chaos and laughter, the raised voices, and the sharing when we get together with my parents, sisters, and their families.
  • A night of worship, led by my cousin, Daniel.
  • Watching Hudson play “hockey” with his uncles.
  • Devyn as she sits on my bathroom counter asking to watch me put make-up on.
  • Jon’s face as his smile reaches his eyes when he’s excited about something.
  • The familiarity of sliding between the covers of my bed.
  • Witnessing the progress of my mom; I never thought I’d be so excited over watching her move around the kitchen as she makes a family meal.
  • Laying next to the fire on a cold morning, with Devyn and Hudson cuddled on either side of me.
  • The sight of my youngest in a deep, peaceful sleep.
  • Friends. Real, true friends. The kind that aren’t afraid to call things as they see it, the kind that call to check in and make sure things are ok.
  • Coffee dates.
  • The pop-up window on my computer screen saying I have an email from Courtney.
  • Watching through the windows as Hudson winds up, swings the golf club, and sends the golf ball in a perfect arch to the other side of the backyard.
  • The feel of Reagan tucked tightly against my body in her sling, and smiling when strangers ask if there really is a baby in there.
  • Jon
  • Devyn’s curiosity about life; her curiosity that knows no limits.
  • The chirpy voice of Hudson as his vocabulary grows.
  • Fridays, when I know that I’m looking at four and a half days with my little ones.
  • The smell of fresh air that permeates their hair and wind-blown cheeks when Devyn and Hudson come in from playing outside.
  • The sight of any of my sisters’ names on my caller ID.

And the list goes on…

These two truths are the same in weight and importance. Accept and love who and where you are now, and all good things shall find you there. ~Unknown

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.


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1:25 PM delete

you are blessed...and loved! Does it count when I call you to cry and be a little girl? I sure am grateful for you sister!
Always, Sarah

7:00 PM delete

What a wonderful list full of happiness and blessings! I will pray for you as you sort things out in the coming weeks. Happy Easter!