One of Those Days

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 8 Comments A+ a-

I’m having one of those days; the kind of day where one wonders who thought it would be a good idea to have you become a mother. The kind of day that makes you want to throw your hands up, whisper “I can’t do this”, and hop on the nearest train out of there. The kind of day that one hopes their parenting skills aren’t causing irrevocable damage to the children they’d been given. The kind of day where you feel like you just can’t do it… Yes, that’s my day today.

I am overwhelmed, there I’ve said it. Not only have I said it out loud, but I’ve gone ahead and admitted on the world wide web. But I am… I am overwhelmed.

Every morning for the past two to three weeks, Devyn has whispered, “Please stay home today Mommy, please don’t go to work.” Talk about a knife being twisted in my heart. I’ve tried explaining that Mommy will be home A LOT more come January, but the future is a hard thing for a three-almost-four-year-old to grasp.

Hudson has turned into this clingy toddler, one who constantly either needs to be held or needs to have someone in the same room as him. The other week, he screamed bloody-murder because I had left the dining room to finish getting ready while he finished his breakfast.

I see my house, really see it, and I want to melt into the floor. It has been months since I have mopped, dusted, scrubbed, or organized our house. And the effects of not doing those things are showing. I need a good week or two to just focus on the house and make it livable again.

My list continues to grow every day and I find that I have neither the motivation nor energy to tackle that list. Don’t get me wrong, most days I love my life. I love seeing those smiling faces waiting for me; I love that Devyn wants to spend time with me; I love that more often than not, Hudson can only be consoled by me; and most times, I know the housework can wait. (But my dust bunnies are seriously a good inch or two thick right now!)

However, this is one of those days and I know my life isn’t perfect. I know there are areas that I need to work on; I know there are times when I’m giving less my best. And I’d be foolish to try and pretend that I have it all together or know exactly what I’m doing, because I don’t. I’m continuously thankful that each morning, each day, brings a fresh chance, a new start. Here’s to the sun rising tomorrow!

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

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Ashley
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10:16 AM delete

I have been reading your blog for a long time now. I have a son a couple weeks younger than your son (he was born in February 2007, right?) My dad used to live in Colorado...Littleton to be exact, so I lived there half the year but didn't go to school there. I also have a son around your daughter's age too. I also just had a baby in August...another boy!

Anyway, when I read this post I had to comment. I just wrote one almost identical to this!! I haven't posted it yet, and don't know if i will but it is so similar. I love my boys more than anything but I do need a break at times. I feel overwhelmed and then guilty for feeling that way...it's a vicious cycle.

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Sarah
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11:19 AM delete

sweet friend! You are always so real and refreshing. We've ALL had days/moments like this, even if we can't admidt it on a blog. We are all a work in progress and need to have grace for ourselves more than we do. My first instinct when I read this post was to run over to your house while you're at work and clean it for you, I would LOVE to do that for you! If only I had someone to watch my own kids for a few hours... Please, please, please let me know if I can watch Devyn and Hudson for you some Saturday morning. This weekend is out, but next weekend would work. And beyond longing for a clean house, remember that you are pregnant and it is perfectly okay to let some of these things go right now. I love you friend and can't wait for our coffee date soon!

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CPT Mom
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12:48 PM delete

You have 2 young kids and are pregnant. Those two things separately are exhausting, but together, become overwhelming. It is a season. All too quickly, the tides could change and you'll be nesting :)

Hang tight, girl. Your family is well loved and if that is the only thing you get done in a day, it was still a productive day. (At least, that's what I keep telling myself :)

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Jenn
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1:47 PM delete

Just wanted to pass on a virtual hug.

Jenn

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Amy...
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10:37 PM delete

Yup. I'm with you. Totally overwhelmed right now. In fact, I had my phone in hand with your number up to call at 7 am today....and then the other kids showed up early:) I want to hang out...can you believe it was a year ago on Friday that we met face to face? Gosh, I was so nervous! I miss you, friend, and I don't feel like I can give much encouragement right now...other than to say that I understand and it is true...this will pass. Love you!

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Kamma
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11:17 PM delete

Seeing as I don't have any children (yet) I can't totally understand what you're feeling, but I just want you to know that I love you and I wish I was there to help you in any way I could! Because I would totally be there in a flash to scrub some floors and wipe some windows!

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Joy
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1:40 PM delete

Oh I have days like that - sometimes even weeks, months. Probably all moms have. Thanks for being honest and sharing with us.

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Wendy
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2:36 PM delete

i've been there too. i'm sure i've written a very similar post at some point?! it would be hard for me to believe a mom if she said she had never had those same feelings at some point.

you are in a very busy season of life right now, try to remember to give yourself some grace and just do the best you can do everyday. no one has it all together, even if it appears that way. you are a great mom and your kids love you. hugs to you friend.

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