A Reflection... Of Sorts

Monday, February 04, 2008 15 Comments A+ a-

I had a moment on Friday, a moment that I think a lot of bloggers have had; one where you realize that your blog is being read by a lot more people than you thought. I don’t know why I was surprised; I email our family and friends on a regular basis with Devyn, Hudson, and family updates. For those that have found me on MySpace or Facebook, know that I list my blog on those profiles. And basically, I’m pretty forthright with information about myself, my family, my children, or anything that I’m currently going through. My life is very much an open book. So why, when I hear the words, “I read about that on your blog”, am I surprised?

I’ll tell you why… because as open as I am about my life (and I feel like I’m pretty transparent), my deepest desire is that anyone who reads my blog will come to know two things about me. That one I love my husband and children, marriage and parenting are hard work and not always enjoyable, but I feel so blessed to be in these roles. And two, and most importantly, that I serve a loving, forgiving, personable, and grace-offering God. I couldn’t be the first things, without the second one; my God is that important to me.

And so, what gave me pause this weekend, was wondering if I’m living out my life reflecting the two things that are most important to me. It’s fine and dandy that I write about parenting, marriage, and God but I am I truly reflecting those things in my day-to-day life? When I run into former classmates or friends that I haven’t seen in a while, do they come away from our interaction saying, “Now there is a woman who walks her talk”? Or are they saying, “Wow, she’s kind of a hypocrite because she her life doesn’t reflect anywhere near what she says on the blog”? I honestly don’t know… and please, I’m not looking for compliments or positive support here… I’m just truly reflecting on my life at the moment.

I may not be in the “mission” field as most would call it; I’m not riding camels in a desert in Africa, I’m not serving college students in Ecuador, nor do I feel called to do any of those things. (And my hats off to those that have been called and are doing it.) Because I’m already in my mission field; in the lives of my children and any of their friends that I come into contact with; the family, friends, and strangers that read this blog; my neighbors; etc. If I can be used in any way, to bring anyone to a relationship with God, then I am His to use. I’ll just continue to pray that I’m doing the best I can. I know I fail, I fail miserably AND often, but that’s where grace comes in. Because of grace, I get to start all over the next day. That in, and of itself, is a wonderful reason to wake up in the morning.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

The conclusion I’ve come to at this point, is that this blog has become an accountability of sorts. It’s kind of like the Christian fish that some place on their back bumpers; it’s a great reminder that there are people watching to see if the driver of that van (or sedan or SUV or coupe or truck) is really driving as “Christian-like” as possible. Like that fish is to vehicles, this blog is to me. I will still be real, I will still be raw, and I will still be as open as possible. My prayer is that maybe it will touch someone…somewhere…someday…somehow.

If you’ve made it this far through this post, then please know this… whether I know that you read my blog or not, whether you’ve ever commented in the past or not, whether you’re a dear friend, sister, or stranger, please know that should you ever need to talk, or ever want to know more about any aspect of my life, I am only an email (or phone call) away. And if you ever should see something lacking in my life, an area that could use some attention, please don’t hesitate to say something; accountability is never a bad thing. It can be pretty humbling at times, but I know that I am a work in progress and it is by His hand that I’m being shaped.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

15 comments

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Paula
AUTHOR
7:20 PM delete

Wow! You know we as Christians should always try to walk the talk with Christ. Hard to do at times. Especially when we (I) fight with mans approval. However, if we are a willing vessel, God can do the rest. That is what you are, so God will use you!!

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7:40 PM delete

Thanks for being so transparent and truthful! I love that about you and your blog :)

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7:40 PM delete

Thanks for being so transparent and truthful! I love that about you and your blog :)

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7:51 PM delete

OOps, sorry, didn't mean to comment twice! ( I guess that means I've commented three times now... :(

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Mary Hess
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8:53 PM delete

I think if we are truly walking with Christ, there is a deep need to reflect His character in every aspect of our lives - being a wife, parent, mother, employee, church member - whatever that is.

You, my friend, reflect His character. You sure do. :)

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Elise
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9:17 PM delete

Only if it's mutual! :)

I love your heart, Jenn- wanting to reflect Him always, and point to Him rather than yourself. You do so beautifully, I might add!

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crystal
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6:39 AM delete

I do believe just from reading your blog that you do Walk the Walk. I do believe that you show in your life that you are a Christian. I think we all fail miserably at times (to be human is to err) but that is why we are in HIS hands is so he can stand us back up and tell us it is okay and we can try again. Just reading your blog has helped me alot. To know that someone else struggles with some of the same things and can be so open and honest about it is such a help.

You are a blessing.

Blessings and Prayers
Crystal

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7:01 AM delete

A great post. I have struggled with the same thing because I tend to write about what God is working on in my heart on my blog and that makes it sometimes seem as though I am always all about God. As much as I hope that someday I will be, my daily walk absolutely has a ways to go.

You have been an encouragement to me, so if your blog keeps you accountable that is great. But God is using you to encourage other women in their lives.

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Katie
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11:36 AM delete

I know what you mean - and I don't know you in real life - but I do love reading your blog. The honesty is encouraging - and it's obvious to me that you love God.
Keep it up sister!

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Melissa King
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1:34 PM delete

Great post! I always feel that way too when people say something similar to me about reading my blog. It's such a public, yet private thing. You do a great job!

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Amy
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4:55 PM delete

You're the real deal. I know it for a fact...and I'm so thankful for that! I know you don't want a pat on the back, but you really are one of a kind as I know that you put real effort and thought into your transparency. Love you! Amy

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Christine
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7:13 PM delete

Amen! I am always self-reflecting for the same reasons. If I ever am unwilling to change, or seem to the people in my life to be unapproachable about a flaw, then I'm not who I want to be. Thanks for being transparent about this.

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Sarah
AUTHOR
11:15 AM delete

I agree, I think our blogs are such great accountablility and we need to always see them that way. It's so easy to put our best foot forward here, it's only natural I think, but I think you do a great job of being real and sharing your struggles right along with your growth and insights. I know you in real life, and what I read on your blog lines right up with "you".
Love, Sarah
p.s. of course our husbands see our ugliest and most real, but thankfully they love us, the whole package amen!

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Christina
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5:01 PM delete

I really appreciate your openess and honesty. This blogspot has been a blessing to me. ((HUGS))

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AndiMae
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12:34 AM delete

Jenn, I have always admired your ability to be transparent on your blog. I want to be more like that on my own blog, but sometimes it is hard to be honest about the struggles and the things that are not lovely and beautiful- honest with my readers, as well as with myself. You are such an encouragement to just be the real me!

P.S. Elliot has been showing off his "boyishness" more and more as well lately! I love noticing all the little differences between him and Audrey, but I must say that the facination with electical cords and the constant moving is taking some getting used to! :)

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