10 Years Later

Tuesday, January 22, 2008 16 Comments A+ a-

My life was not supposed to turn out this way. I was only 18 years old when Jon and I started dating. He was going to be merely a senior year fling before heading off college; someone to go to movies with, someone to have fun with, someone to take to prom. He was a boy from youth group who made me laugh and had an endearing, mischevious smile. He was cute, he was a good guy, but I had big dreams on the horizon. A college degree in Journalism, moving to a big city where I would go to work for some newspaper or magazine, maybe I'd start thinking about marriage around 30 or so, with children following a good five years after that. I had a goal... one that did not involve a good-hearted, funny guy from my hometown youth group... even if he did have a great smile.

Fast forward ten years...

Music is playing from my iPod; Keith Urban, Jack Johnson, Maroon 5, Little Big Town, and the like are filling the room. I've laid my head against the wall, my eyes so itchy from the exhaustion of the week. We've dealt with fever, tempers, snot-filled sleeves, steam showers, and croupy coughes but it's over. I know it would take next to nothing to knock me over, very little to slip into a deep sleep. And yet, through my exhausted eyes, I take it all in.

Jon is sitting by the couch with Devyn, fresh from the bath he just gave her. I smile to myself as Jon steadily and gently runs a brush through her hair, listening as he murmurs about how pretty her hair is, how long, how curly, how colorful. She giggles in response and leans further back against her daddy's chest. There's trust there, a knowing deep in her gut, that this is a guy she can depend on. A man that won't let her down, where she can be herself and always find love, support, and guidance; a place where she is safe. I hear the whispers, the giggles, and I smile. Such love in that relationship.

Across the room, Hudson is babbling to himself as he battles the vaccuum. Up he rises and grabs the slim neck, trying to balance himself. The vaccuum leans one way, Hudson counters that move by leaning the other, but he leans too far and down he falls. He glances at the vaccuum and then eyes the couch. Deciding the couch is a safer bet, he crawls to it and pulls himself up. Hearing the deep laugh of his daddy, his eyes drift towards Devyn and Jon. He lets go of the couch and step after precarious step he joins their little group. I listen as the three of them chat, babble, and giggle with each other.

Through half-closed eyes I hear Devyn scold Hudson for pulling her hair, only to be answered by drooly gurgle. I can almost imagine the toothy smile Hudson is giving her, oblivious to the fact that he'd just been reprimanded. The heat from the fire makes me even sleepier and I'm half-tempted to slide down the length of the wall until I'm lying on the floor, but sitting there with my eyes closed is a close second. The soothing sounds of my favorite tunes drift over me. When I feel Hudson's small fingers in my hair, I open my eyes and find myself staring into two pairs of deep, gray-blue eyes. One wanting my lap and the other wanting my arms. As I pull them both in my arms, my eyes lock with Jon's and we share a secret smile. A smile that says, I can't believe this is my life.

Yes... my life was not supposed to turn out this way. It's not how I imagined it... yet, somehow, in all of God's soveriegnty, He knew. He knew that what He was giving me was ten times better than any plan I'd had for my life. And truth be told, I'll take this reality over that dream any day... minus the exhaustion.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

16 comments

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Anonymous
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10:00 PM delete

BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Love you all,
Colleen

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Anonymous
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10:00 PM delete

BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Love you all,
Colleen

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Org Junkie
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12:46 AM delete

This was too sweet Jenn!

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Stephanie
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7:15 AM delete

We have shared similar weeks, and I love your positive take on it. There is nothing like the hugs and smiles of your little ones, especially after a week+ of helping them fight "whatever." I hope that sunshine and health is taking over again in yuor house as it is in ours.

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crystal
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8:12 AM delete

Its amazing how life never turns out like we dream. But God does have it all in his hands and his will be done! Very sweet! Our house has been like this for a couple of weeks. Thanks for helping me to put a positive look on it!

Blessings
Crystal

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Melissa King
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12:43 PM delete

That was the most beautiful thing ever. You may not be a journalist for some prestigious magazine or newspaper, but you are a journalist indeed. I am so lucky and glad that I get to read your "journalistic" talent everyday.
It also just occured to me that I think I remember when you and Jon started dating. I guess I never realized he was THAT guy! :)

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Dana Marie
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2:12 PM delete

Jenn, you write so well! I am consistently impressed by you!

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CPT Mom
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5:13 PM delete

Jenn, that was a beautifully written post.

I love that the Lord always knows what we need.

I am forever thankful that I am not God, I would mess it all up!

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6:27 PM delete

That was really sweet. It made me get all teary thinking about how I could never have imagined my own life either. Thanks for sharing it.

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Elise
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8:08 PM delete

How is it that we can feel so exhausted and frustrated and lacking in motivation, and then moments like these suddenly seem framed by a our mind's eye and so vivid? I'm so thankful, right along with you, friend. Thank you for such a moving, beautiful piece. I'm off to kiss my little ones, who went to bed in a rather bad way... time to make up. :)

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Jenn
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10:16 PM delete

What a great post!

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Deidre
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7:38 AM delete

I LOVE this post. So sweet and honest. I'm so thankful God knows so much more than I do!! I think often I couldn't have dreamed up this life God has given me - so much better than I could have imagined.

This is such a sweet post. You should print this off for your children to read one day.

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Amy
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9:09 AM delete

This is a great one, Jenn. So often, I feel that you are able to bring to life through your words the things that I am feeling. Such a gift! love you!

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Anonymous
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4:06 PM delete

ya ever gonna post someting new?

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Joy
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7:30 PM delete

Wonderfully said.

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Paula
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11:06 AM delete

Stories like that remind me of Garht Brooks song, "Thank God For Unanswered Prayers." Thank God He knows best for His children.

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