My Happy PillsI made a bad decision…
First some history. About six months post-partum with Devyn, Jon realized that I was sleeping constantly, to the point that I wasn’t even getting out of bed on my days off. He informed me that I needed to see the doctor. I’ll be honest, I really didn’t think I needed to go. After all, I wasn’t having suicidal thoughts; I wasn’t thinking ill thoughts towards Devyn or Jon. I was just tired! I was a new mama, surely that was explanation enough for my exhaustion, right?! But to appease my husband, I made the appointment and saw the doctor. She listened to Jon’s concerns and then asked me a few questions. Sure enough, I was diagnosed with post-partum depression and put on anti-depressants. It was the lowest dosage possible, I was still able to breastfeed Devyn, and I was off them by the time she turned a year old.
This time around, my doctor put me on the same medication, the same dosage at my two-week post-partum check-up. “This is purely for precautionary reasons Jenn,” she told me. “I’m sure you’ll be off them soon.” And oh, what a difference they made. There were no overwhelming thoughts, I had energy, I just felt good. And then I got cocky.
A couple of weeks ago, I was patting myself on the back for all I was getting accomplished. My attitude was good, Jon knew he was loved and respected, I had the new “mommy-of-two” thing down pat, we had a great routine, my quiet times were going well, etc. You name it, I had conquered it! I thought to myself, “Jenn, you’re doing well, you don’t need those anti-depressants anymore.” So I started weaning myself off the pills; I started taking one every other day until I took my last pill last Thursday or Friday.
It was a BIG mistake! Almost instantly I was picking fights with Jon, I was getting overwhelmed easily, my sleepiness returned, and my anxiety level rose, threatening to overtake me. This was not a good idea so close to closing on our house and needing to pack up our belongings. Yesterday I realized that I was premature in this decision and had my prescription filled, much to my chagrin. I realize that I shouldn’t feel weak or incompetent for needing to take anti-depressants, but I can’t help it. I was fine with taking them post-partum with Devyn, and I was even ok with taking them thus far after having Hudson, but for some reason this is a huge pride-swallowing issue for me right now. Then again, this could be the depression talking too. Ask me again in four to five days, I should be feeling normal by then.