I Choose Truth

Wednesday, October 03, 2007 12 Comments A+ a-

I’m struggling… I’m struggling to find peace, I’m struggling to have faith, and I’m struggling to trust. I literally have to make a conscious effort to put aside my fears and doubts, and center my thoughts on God’s truths. The truth that God is in control, He has a plan, and He is bigger than my work situation.

I had a chat with my supervisor this morning about my desire to go part-time and she responded how I thought she would. She is not keen on the idea of me going part-time; she told me that she feels there needs to be a full-time employee in my position. However, she might consider letting me work some hours from home.

I have very mixed feelings about this compromise of hers. One, when I asked for part-time, I meant part-time. I want to be able to leave my work at work, and concentrate on my family at home. However, I could work those hours during naps or some in the evenings when Jon is home. Two, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t upset that she won’t work with me. I’ve devoted eight years to this job and I feel a little slighted. Don’t get me wrong; I understand that she needs to do what’s best for the company, as I need to do what’s best for my family, but I just thought they be a little more flexible with me. And three, the thought of not losing any income does appeal to my materialistic side. But do I really want money to stand in the way of the time I could devote (fully devote) to my children? (Please don’t answer that, it’s purely a rhetorical question).

At this point, she needs to talk to our director about my proposal and get feedback from her. Then depending on what the director says, we’ll have another meeting to discuss details, etc. At this point, I’m in the wait and see mode. I truly believe that God could work on my director’s heart and come up with something amazing that would work for both the department and my family. Or God could work on my supervisor’s heart, who after thinking about it, decides that she was a little hasty in her thoughts. Or God could work on my heart and open doors for a new position, in a new company; one that would support my desire to be home more with my children.

I just know that I won’t give in to fear, I won’t give in to anger or bitterness, and I won’t give in to despair. I do know that I am choosing to trust God, I am choosing to have faith, and I am choosing to have peace. God is bigger than all of this and He knows the bigger picture, even if I do not.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

12 comments

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HappyMama
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4:07 PM delete

I am praying for your situation. I'm glad that you are leaving it in God's hands. He will take care of you. And, I truly understand your heart's desire to be at home with your children part-time.

Love you, Missy

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4:12 PM delete

Your last paragraph shows your faith in God and His perfect plan. Pray hard for your supervisor/director's hearts. God is more than big enough to change them. But... you know that already! Your strength is such an encouragement to me and I know it will be to others who read this.
I will pray!
Lindsey

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6:48 PM delete

Don't give up! This will happen! If it is what God (and you) really want for your family, then I'm sure He will find a way to work it all out! I'll be praying for your endurance and strength in the mean-time :)

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Jenn
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7:48 PM delete

Jen,

You are very wise. Best not to get angry but to find a solution. Whether your company can provide that solution or not, hopefully you'll have your answer soon.

Good for you for asking.

Jenn

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proud parents
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8:25 PM delete

I really hope things work out for you. You will definitely be in my prayers. Please let us know how things work out.

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Jennisa
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8:40 PM delete

I pray something works out! BOO HOO to working at home. It is SO hard to get anything done at home, so I REALLY hope you can just leave your work AT work!

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9:18 PM delete

Praying for you! I know that this has to be SO hard to deal with right now. You are doing the best thing possible, trusting in God.

Prayers,

Julie

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Sarah
AUTHOR
7:57 AM delete

You know I'm praying for you in this Jenn. First and foremost, that your current supervisor decides to let you do part time and secondly, that if she doesn't, God will grant you the faith and courage to leave that job and find one that let's you be home with your kids more, even if it means less money, I know that will take courage.
Love, Sarah

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Just Me
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10:44 AM delete

Yes Jenn. You CHOOSE to have faith, trust and not fear. I am praying for you!

Romans 8:28 - For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God who are the called according to his purpose.

He won't leave you stranded! I promise!

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Katy
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1:47 PM delete

oh wow..what a difficult position to be in!!! I pray God takes total control of it and leads you the right way!!! I hope everything works out for the best for you! :)

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Liz
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5:18 PM delete

I am so sorry your conversation didn't go as you wished. I am praying for you. You are doing the right thing...keeping your eyes on Him, and choosing to trust even when it is hard.

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Amy
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9:24 PM delete

Been thinking about you quite a bit...praying for you too! Love you, girl! Amy

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