This is a Hard Winter

Thursday, September 13, 2007 26 Comments A+ a-

And the knocks just keep on coming. Yesterday, my mom called us in North Carolina and asked for our vet’s phone number. Our dogs, Jackson and Grady, had run away and Jackson returned limping and bleeding. Mom took him to the vet and it turns out he had been hit by a car. I hesitate to say what happened next because some will disagree with our decision, but please know how much it killed us to make it. After talking to the vet, Jon decided to have Jackson put down. I can’t tell you how much we grieved and cried yesterday; nor how much it killed us not to be there with him. My mom, bless her heart, did the hard thing by being with Jackson until the end. I know it was difficult but I am so grateful that Jackson wasn’t alone.

Jackson was our first "baby", joining our family a mere six months after our wedding. He was a white boxer-mix who loved to play fetch and swim. His tail was strong and lethal and the kind of dog that only his owners could love. But he was such a happy dog, a cuddler in the evenings. He loved to run and this wasn’t the first time he’d run away. I can’t even begin to count the times we chased him around, trying to corral him long enough to get a leash on him. It was just a matter of time before something serious happened to him on one of his adventures, it just sucks that it happened while we were gone. I sincerely wish I had been with him at the end, just to give him one more hug and one more scratch behind the ears.

Grady has not yet been found and we’re expecting the worst, as we live less than a mile from a major highway. But I still have a little hope that he’s ok; we’ll be placing some calls to our local pet shelters to see if he has been picked up. Ugh, it’s been a tough week!

I realize that this blog has become depressing as of late, and I hesitated about posting this news. However, this is my blog, my journal of sorts, and this is my life right now. I attended a women’s conference with my church about a month before Devyn was born. The planners decided to talk about seasons of life, how God brings Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall into our lives. How to take each season to learn, grow, and accept what God is trying to teach us. Unfortunately this a Winter in my life; I’m trying to take these moments as they happen, trying to hear God’s voice in the midst of these hard times. I’m trying to be like Paul and be refined by these experiences, and to hold on to the hope that Spring is right around the corner. So I’m sorry that this blog has become so depressing, I’m just trying to get to the other side.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

26 comments

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Amanda
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9:01 AM delete

The blog is not depressing and I don't think you should even write that in here. Don't apologize for who you are or what you are going through. Isaiah 6 is an amazing chapter, especially the last part. There are seasons in our life where we may feel as if we are being ruined but God has an amazing purpose in it all. So don't feel like this is depressing. Rejoice because God is giving you treasures right now. All of this crap is a treasure for it is bringing so much closer to him. It's refining you, it's strengthing you and so many women are walking this planet feeling so defeated, but YOU can be the one to show them otherwise.

Personally, I love what you share.

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Carrie
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9:17 AM delete

My heart hurts for you and your family. Losing one beloved pet and not knowing the fate of another....

It's a tough line to walk with blogging. I struggle too with what I post sometimes. We know others are reading (or at least the stat counter says they are) but we want to record our true selves - the good AND the BAD. I think you are doing a wonderful job of staying true to your faith during this tough season in your life. He has a plan for you!

Gosh, I don't know if I've delurked before or not - but here I am! Just wanted you to know I'm praying for you today.

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Sarah
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9:35 AM delete

Jenn, I am so sorry! I got your text too, there just aren't words. I know the pain of losing a pet, such loyal little souls they are, such sweet companions. Hold on my friend, your Spring WILL come. And you are so wise to "count it pure joy when you endure trials of many kinds," because they will refine you if you will let them. This may be your "Job" time, but I am so proud of the way you are not letting the enemy defeat you! Hold fast to God's promises and His character and He will use this time to draw you ever closer to Him.
Love, Sarah

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Mary
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9:58 AM delete

This reminded me of a prophetic word I received in 2003. It was February and winter, I was going thru some hard times. The word was this: Hold on. Spring is just around the corner.

Hold on Jenn. I know God didn't remind me of that for no reason. Your spring is right around the corner . . . .

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Wendy
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10:47 AM delete

I'm so sorry to hear this Jenn. I would second what Amanda said above. Don't apologize. You are sharing your life and your faith. We all go through hard seasons, just keep your eyes on Him.

Love you friend.

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crystal
AUTHOR
11:57 AM delete

I agree with Amanda, Dont Apologize. You are going through a rough time and you have a right to share it. Sharing it may also help someone else. And it is a season in your life. It will pass and you will be stronger for it. Please keep sharing though, it is refreshing to know that not everyone in this world is or even thinks they are perfect. Sometimes your post hit home so hard.

Praying for you and your family. I know this wont be easy on the kids either to miss a pet. (my kids lost their dog in march )

Prayers and blessings
crystal

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crystal
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11:57 AM delete

I agree with Amanda, Dont Apologize. You are going through a rough time and you have a right to share it. Sharing it may also help someone else. And it is a season in your life. It will pass and you will be stronger for it. Please keep sharing though, it is refreshing to know that not everyone in this world is or even thinks they are perfect. Sometimes your post hit home so hard.

Praying for you and your family. I know this wont be easy on the kids either to miss a pet. (my kids lost their dog in march )

Prayers and blessings
crystal

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crystal
AUTHOR
11:57 AM delete

I agree with Amanda, Dont Apologize. You are going through a rough time and you have a right to share it. Sharing it may also help someone else. And it is a season in your life. It will pass and you will be stronger for it. Please keep sharing though, it is refreshing to know that not everyone in this world is or even thinks they are perfect. Sometimes your post hit home so hard.

Praying for you and your family. I know this wont be easy on the kids either to miss a pet. (my kids lost their dog in march )

Prayers and blessings
crystal

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Org Junkie
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2:53 PM delete

Wow, you've got a lot to deal with right now. I'm so sorry. We also had to put our dog down this past summer while I was away. It is so very hard.
Thinking of you,
Laura

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LPDraper
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3:09 PM delete

I am so sorry. I understand your pain and I am praying for you.

Lindsey

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6:48 PM delete

I'm glad that you share your 'real' life with us---that way we know how to pray for you! And I'm so sorry about your dogs--they do become like a part of your family, don't they?

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8:53 PM delete

Hey, sometimes we are depressed and we go through trying times; that's life. Don't worry about upseting someone by writing about your life. Glad to know that you do share your pain as well as your joy. So many people try to act perfect. I am so sorry about your dogs. I love my dog, Boscoe, like he is my first born child! Actually, he thinks he is! we will be praying for you.

Julie

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Jenn
AUTHOR
9:17 PM delete

Jen,

I am so sorry about your dogs. What a hard time you are having. I feel for you becuase I am going through a bit of a winter myself. Although I can't imagine losing my Emma (who is our first dog). It good to know she had such a wonderful life.

Jenn

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Susan
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1:39 AM delete

So sorry about Jackson and Grady. Hang in there.

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Lange Mom :o)
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5:05 AM delete

Jenn and Jon I am so sorry!! It is so hard to say goodbye to your best non human friends!!!! They love you unconditionally, listen to you and make you perk up in times you want to be left alone. I have cried uncontrollably when some of my pets have passed away. Nothing will replace that void because they were uniquely special to you. I am glad that you have pictures to capture the good memories. I am so so sorry!!! I am sending you a looooong big hug.
Auntie Bernie

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Katy
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6:40 AM delete

I am so sorry for your loss!!! How sad and what a difficult decision! I pray Grady comes home OK!

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3:22 PM delete

It does seem to be a tough season for you, but God will definitely use it for His good. Keep listening to Him. And keep sharing what's on your heart...we all have to go through our winter seasons.

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Joy
AUTHOR
6:37 PM delete

That is heartwrenching. Please do continue to share both your joys and struggles with us. I love your honesty!

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Jennisa
AUTHOR
8:38 PM delete

Oh Jenn...please don't apologize for anything! This blog is about your life, and we all want to be there for you! THANK YOU for being so transparent and letting us read about you, and pray for you! **hugs**

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9:38 PM delete

Don't apologize, sweet girl!!

I am so sorry about your dog. I know that it must have been incredibly difficult to come home and him not be there.

So sorry! Take care. And, I'll pray that springtime comes quickly for you!

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Amy
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10:16 PM delete

I'm so sad for you, Jenn. Praying for you...

This blog (your thoughts) brings me joy...even during your winter. I feel so honored that you share all of your seasons with us. love, Amy

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Amber L.
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8:55 PM delete

I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I will be praying that you find Grady. Your right, this is your blog and you should post whatever is on your mind, good or bad. You need to get these things out. We rejoice with others in the good times, but also need support during the rough stuff. Hang in there.
Love, Amber
p.s. I can't believe Hudson is doing all the stuff he is. He is really early. Did you fortify your milk with steroids or something? : )

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andi
AUTHOR
1:29 PM delete

Jenn,

Even though I haven't been able to comment much lately, please know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers often! I am so sorry to hear about your sweet dog- I will be praying that your other dog comes home soon and is safe!

xo Andi
P.S. I can't believe Hudson is already climbing stairs! Crazy boy :)

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andi
AUTHOR
1:30 PM delete

Jenn,

Even though I haven't been able to comment much lately, please know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers often! I am so sorry to hear about your sweet dog- I will be praying that your other dog comes home soon and is safe!

xo Andi
P.S. I can't believe Hudson is already climbing stairs! Crazy boy :)

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Liz
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7:21 PM delete

I am so sorry for all that you have been going though lately. My prayers are with you!

I love your blog. You are such an encouragement to me. I love that you share your heart, even when it is hard!

Love,
Elizabeth

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Stephanie
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6:41 PM delete

oh jenn... my heart aches for you :( I can't even imgaine what that would be like. I know exactly what you mean by Jackson being your first "baby." Even though we are expecting now... Hershey and Wrigley will always be our first babies. They are our kids!!!!
Thinking of you and Jon :(

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