Sweet Love

Wednesday, May 23, 2007 10 Comments A+ a-

When the alarm went off this morning, I hit the snooze button and then returned to the soft, warm cocoon of my bed. Hudson was sleeping on my chest and I just couldn’t bring myself to leave him and get ready for the day. So I stayed. This is my favorite place to be right now; cuddled in bed with the soft, sweet weight of Hudson on my chest. There’s nothing like feeling his stretches, the kind that cause his legs to curl under and his bum to stick up in the air, or smelling the sweetness of his breastfed breath, or listening to him murmur in his sleep. Even now, my heart constricts at the thought of these things. I laid there thinking about him and what it’s like having a son; I laid there so long that I was late to work this morning.

When Devyn was born, my love for her was instantaneous, all-consuming, and overwhelming. From the moment they laid her on my chest, there was nothing that I wouldn’t do for her; I wanted to give her the world. I’m certain a lot of those feelings had to do with the fact that she was my firstborn, my push into motherhood. It was awe-inspiring, the feelings that this tiny, little person evoked in me. What a rush! So, I was a little surprised upon Hudson’s birth, when I didn’t feel the same intensity of emotion; instead, it felt like a sweet warmth spreading through my body. This love felt soft, tender, and nurturing. But I kept waiting… waiting for that punch of protective, all-consuming love. It didn’t happen that way.

When Jon and Devyn left for their weekend away, I was excited about the idea of getting time alone with Hudson. As a new mother with Devyn, there were days that I did nothing but stare at her and get to know every minute detail of her. I hadn’t been able to have those days with Hudson because I was so busy chasing a two-year-old around the house. So during that weekend, Hudson and I took naps together; I sat and watched him for hours; we interacted with peek-a-boo and smiles; we even took a couple of baths together. It was heavenly. And in the weeks that followed our weekend alone, I realized something. I love him! With every beat of my heart, with every breath in my body, I love him and this love had grown into an all-consuming, overwhelming, protective love. It wasn’t instantaneous like Devyn, but had grown until I can no longer distinguish between my love for Devyn and my love for Hudson. It’s all a part of me, no beginning and no end.

Hudson is my little man, my buddy, my son. I was not, in any way, prepared for his presence in my life. I thought I would figure it out as I went along and eventually get the hang of mothering a little boy. But I was not prepared for the fact that he would be so dependent on me. Devyn was more the independent one; as long as she was being fed and held by someone, she was fine. Hudson is a different story altogether. If he’s upset and I’m in the room, I am the only one that can console him. He prefers me over anyone else and his head whips around when he hears my voice. I have a little mama’s boy on my hands and I couldn’t be happier about it. Having him in my life is incredible and I can officially say all my fears about his arrival have been laid to rest.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

10 comments

Write comments
Amy
AUTHOR
12:24 PM delete

Jenn,

This is the very best description of how "love becomes" when our second children are born! This is exactly how it went with me as well. And it certainly seems like we have similar boys...Mama's Boy all the way:)

Thank you! This post will be a blessing to all of those pregnant with their second...

Reply
avatar
HappyMama
AUTHOR
12:53 PM delete

That's beautiful, Jenn! I second the instantaneous, all-consuming, and overwhelming love you wrote about because that is exactly how I felt the first moment I held Brooklyn.

I agree with Amy, this is a true inspiration to those of us who are planning on having a second child.

Thank you for your thoughts!

Reply
avatar
Jennisa
AUTHOR
1:12 PM delete

Great post! I, too, felt similar with my second. With already having one, we just don't get the down time to marvel at their cuteness and spend all that time learning about them. It does take more time, but the love is the same...all consuming. Imagine, God loves us even more than that...wow....

Reply
avatar
2:07 PM delete

This was absolutely beautiful and full of heart! What a sweet mama you are! It is no wonder that he is a mama's boy!!

I love that you sleep with him on your chest! How sweet! What sweet memories you are making!

Reply
avatar
Paula
AUTHOR
3:47 PM delete

Jenn, you are so sweet. I often get tears reading your heart and love for your family. I want to go run and hug my family now.

Reply
avatar
Rachelle
AUTHOR
10:56 PM delete

What a beautiful post from a mother's heart. I will never know what it's like to have a son but you've described your experience beautifully.

Reply
avatar
Dee
AUTHOR
6:52 AM delete

I have btdt with #2 and reading your post reminded me of those precious moments when you are completely consumed with love for this new being. As I embark (in a few weeks) on the motherhood thing a 3rd time, I wonder, will it feel the same? Between 1 and 2 was such a difference, so I will have to see what the 3rd time brings...nonetheless, I am so anxious to meet my new little one.

Thanks for this loving reminder.... :)

Reply
avatar
Amy
AUTHOR
7:56 AM delete

I just had to come back here and read this again!

Reply
avatar
Rachel
AUTHOR
9:04 AM delete

Beautiful post. Little boys and little girls are both special in very unique ways. I'm very blessed to have both.

~~Rachel
www.nothinggold.net

Reply
avatar
Joy
AUTHOR
2:28 PM delete

What a beautiful way to describe that love. Thanks for sharing!!

Reply
avatar