My Heart Attitude

Saturday, May 19, 2007 14 Comments A+ a-

I wonder and I worry whether I’m presenting the real me to the world.

Yes, my children are adorable, beautiful inside and out, and I am one blessed mama. But do I always enjoy being a mom? No. Sometimes it’s really, really hard. There are days I want to throw my hands up and be done with it. There are days when I count down the hours until they’re in bed so I can just have some peace and quiet.

I love my husband, he’s my best friend, but are we the perfect spouses? No. I struggle with letting him be the head of the household; our fights can get really mean; and there are moments when I don’t even like him very much.

And last, but certainly not least, do I convey that I’m a stronger Christian than I really am? Am I being real in that I find it hard to sit and have a quiet time with God? That I wonder if I’m allowing God to use me to my fullest potential? Do you know that God has to curb my tongue and my temper?

These are just some of the issues that I’m dealing with right now. As I get to know you wonderful women through blogging, I find myself wishing for things. I want Amy’s thirst for God’s word; I want Elise’s intimate relationship with God; I want Stacey’s faith; I want Amanda’s assurance that I’m living within God’s will; I want Sarah, Katherine, Rachelle, and Christine’s wisdom; I want Erin’s tender heart; and I could go on about so many of you who have a sincere heart and desire to be the women God has called you to be.

As I look over what I just wrote, I realize there were a lot of wants in that paragraph and you need to know, I’m not comparing myself to you; I’m just learning from each of you and you challenge me to go further, to be stronger, to be… more. And I’m thankful for that. I’m sure God is smiling at me and chuckling because He knows that with my personality I want to tackle everything… right now. But as He told me the other night, let’s do this one step at a time, starting with your heart.

And so that is where I am right now; working on my heart attitude. God whispered in my ear a couple of weeks ago that I’ve been called to serve my husband and children. Does that mean I get to let them walk all over me? No. Does that mean that I do everything for Devyn? No. It just means that in everything I do for Jon, Devyn, and Hudson, I need to have the right heart attitude. Am I doing this out of love? Or am I harboring bitterness and anger? I’d LOVE to say that I’m getting this right every time but that’s far from truth; I constantly have to double-check myself and pray for patience.

But this is me, the real me, and this is my daily struggle right now. I guess it’s just a matter of baby steps, huh?

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

14 comments

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8:32 AM delete

I just finished praying about these same kinds of things. I think we all struggle similarly. . .

I am so thankful for you and your sweet heart! I love how the blogworld connects us all. And, how God uses each of us to encourage and challenge eachother during these childrearing years!

You are precious and a wonderful mother and wife!

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Wendy
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9:46 AM delete

I think we all struggle similarly too. It's hard sometimes, especially when you want to do it well.

I think you are wonderful wife and mother too!

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Amy
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10:31 AM delete

Jenn,

I don't want to give you a virtual hug...I want to give you a real-life hug! Really, why do we live so far apart? I LOVE your heart and I struggle with these exact same things. I've even nicknamed myself "The Struggler"! I have more to say but I'll just email. Love, Amy

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4:08 PM delete

I couldn't have had a blog when I was at your stage of motherhood because I had not dealt with my own areas of bitterness and anger at my perceived "losses" of freedom or what-not. So utterly and completely selfish, but I couldn't have been this real yet - that took a lot of failures first. I hope I am not giving an unrealistic view of my family life - it's as real and as messy as anyone's. But God is so great - He knows my shortcomings and offers His grace to me anyway. It is very humbling to know I've blown it, and to see later that His hand covered it and made it into something beautiful, in spite of me. I love your tender heart and think God has beautiful plans for you, too. Rest in Him - you'll be a wife and mother many, many years!

Blessings,
Katherine

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Overwhelmed!
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5:18 PM delete

Jenn,

You and I share many of the same struggles. Your expression of these struggles just makes you more real to your readers!

Thank you for sharing and blessings to you in your faithful journey to know God better.

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7:20 PM delete

Don't we all struggle with these things? There are days when I just can't wait until bed-time....but they are balanced by the days when we are loving and enjoying each other. Continue to recognize your weaknesses, and God will help you change them! You are wise to recognize them and want to change them, but don't get too down on yourself :)

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Katie
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7:46 PM delete

We all the these thoughts it the way with deal with them after. God knows what one can handle and he leans on our hearts so that we as good christians want to read the word. I hope you stay with it.

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Sarah
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10:41 PM delete

Ah Jenn, I'm a sucker for realness! Thank you! I think it's easy in the blog world to portray ourselves in the best light possible, trying to paint ourselves as we wish we were, but not alway as we are. The more real we are with each other, the more we can build each other up and the more we can grow ourselves. I've got my laundry list of struggles and shortcomings too and I'm so thankful I can share them with you!
Love, Sarah

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aggiejenn
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5:58 AM delete

I know how you feel! My heart needs an attitude check just about every minute. I sometimes am counting the minutes until naptime so I can rest, and waiting for Daddy to get home and relieve some of the pressure. Thanks for being real, Jen!

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Amanda
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5:10 PM delete

First of all, I am honored that you would learn anything from me because most of the time I feel like I am wingin' it!

I love ho wyou talk about your husband and children and I have NEVER once thought you are NOT real. I think you are one the most real women in blodding that I have met.

Sometimes blogs can turn into a place where women to brag, show off or pretend to be something that they are not. NEVER have I felt that when I come here. NEVER!

you are precious and an inspiration. you bless me!

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Elise
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8:49 PM delete

It's all already been said, Jenn - but thank you so much for your honesty, here. It's something I struggle with a lot in blogging, too - making sure I'm being real.

I love your heart - you are an inspiration to so many - I'm glad I *know* you!

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andi
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8:33 PM delete

I love this post, Jenn. Your honesty and realness are so encouraging to me b/c I too struggle with so many of those same things! And just as you have found inspiration in other peoples' walks with the Lord, I have found inspiration in yours! You have a beautiful heart that I see desiring Christ and His ways in everything.

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angeleyes Blue
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11:07 AM delete

My precious 'Irish Twins' are now teens. I guess I should have said "precious irish TEENS". I do have a vague memory of when they were younger and daddy was working 80+ hours a week, that we would go to the park EVERY DAY ALL DAY. I would talk with other moms who would always show up in shifts. It got me through. Kept me sane and at least I can say my children were healthy and had wonderful tans.

Have a scrumdillyumptious day for this to shall pass and before you know it you will be dropping your brood off to college.

As my teenagers have a statement that they all say when they are in youth group...Life is Good---All The TIME!
Life is good. Your blogs are always real. Thanks for allowing me to cherish the good ole days.

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Alycia
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5:53 AM delete

Just leaving another note after reading this post ~ what an honest and heartfelt post. I feel the same way, in so many of the aspects you wrote about. Even though I just started blogging, I have been inspired by so many of the wonderful ladies out there. I think blgging is a wonderful way for Christians to fellowship and to be real with one another. In that way, we can encourage and uplift one another. I am so happy that I found your blog tonight ~ thank you!

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