“Pssst…Jon, are you awake?” I don’t know why I was whispering, it was 1:30 in the morning and Devyn was still staring at me, wide awake. I looked over at the lump sharing our bed and nudged his body to wake him. He merely turned on his side, snorted a couple of times, and continued to stay asleep.
I looked down at my baby, trying my hardest to not make eye contact…too late! Our eyes locked and she broke into a huge smile behind her pacifier, but even that beautiful smile wasn’t doing anything to soothe my mood. “Devyn, love, this is not the time to be smiling; this is not even the time to be awake. Please, please, please go to sleep, mommy is so tired!” I begged of her for the umpteenth time that night.
I tucked her between Jon and myself and turned on my side. My hope was that she’d drift off to sleep once she realized that she wasn’t going to get any more attention from me, after all, it was now 1:45 in the morning, it was pitch black, and surely she must be tired. I dozed through the next hour but was very aware of Devyn’s movements and singing the entire time. I woke up at one point to find her feet in my face! I wasn’t sure how she managed to get up and turn around but at that point, I really didn’t care, I just wanted to sleep.
“Jon…Jon…Come on! It’s really your turn; I’ve been up with her all night. Jon… Jon…” Finally, my dear, sweet husband managed to wake up long enough to realize that his daughter was standing over him in bed and was begging to be played with. “Huh, wuh? Punkin, watcha doing up? Didn’t Mommy put you to bed?” I glared at him; if I had magical powers, he would’ve been a pillar of salt. My only response was to toss in the bed, with my back to my barely-awakened husband and giggling daughter, and to put a pillow over my head.
I heard my husband’s feet pad across the kitchen and living room floors as he made his way to the nursery. I groaned as I came to the realization that his solution to the problem was to lay Devyn in her crib and let her cry it out. Mean and evil thoughts raced through my head as Jon came back to bed, slid beneath the covers, and drifted off to sleep. I sat straight up in bed, listening to my daughter cry in the other room, as my mind raced to find a solution to this night that would never end!
I counted off the reasons as to what could be keeping her awake. We were at a birthday party all night for my uncle and I contemplated that it could’ve been the cake and ice cream keeping her awake; it could’ve been the stimulation of playing with the cousins all night; and then I realized something. I nudged Jon, “Hey babe, did you feed Devyn dinner tonight? Jon, did you give her something to eat?” He groaned, “Uh huh, you did.”
Suddenly, I felt like the worst mother in the world. I raced to the nursery and grabbed Devyn out of the crib. I put her in front of an Elmo’s World DVD, gave her a sippy cup full of milk, while I scrounged for some food. At 3:00 in the morning, I fed my baby girl a dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches and applesauce; feeling the weight of guilt cloaking my shoulders. I couldn’t believe I had gotten mad at Devyn Paige for not sleeping, when all she wanted was a full tummy. This one will go down in the books, for sure.
After scarfing down her late, late, late dinner, we crawled back into bed (I cursed Daddy for sleeping through the entire thing) and cuddled beneath the covers. Devyn feel asleep within minutes and I soon followed her into dreamland, but not before vowing to never make that mistake again! Bad mommy . . . .