To Doppler... Or Not

Thursday, August 31, 2006 5 Comments A+ a-

During every pregnancy thus far (count ‘em, all two), I’ve struggled with the concept of trust. For example, when I was pregnant with the first, I was constantly freaking out about every little symptom or lack of symptom or twinge or cramp. I believe I was in the doctor’s office once a week and they even scheduled three ultrasounds before the mid-way mark. Where was my trust in God?

Fast-forward to the third trimester, I gave in to my fears even more. We had a number of friends and family lose babies during the third trimester and my fear got the better of me. I begged Jon to let me rent a fetal heart-doppler, the kind they use in doctors offices to hear the heartbeat, to have at home and listen whenever I wanted. He gave in and it went a long way in soothing frazzled nerves.

This time around I vowed that things would be different, after all, I knew what to expect, I knew what to look for or how a pregnancy should feel and I’m sure God was just laughing at the road ahead of me. There has been NOTHING the same with this pregnancy and I still find myself struggling with each new twinge, symptom, or cramp. I’m sure God is sitting up there, looking down at my fears, and wondering why I just can’t hand these feelings over to Him. After all, He is in control of everything and He wants nothing but great things for my life. I’m sure He’s sad every time my mind wanders over to the dark side, imagining the worst. I want to be able to trust him with my whole heart and being, but it’s hard to let go of the fears.

So, I’ve done it again; I’ve rent a fetal heart-doppler. It arrived last week and I love pulling it out, swishing the wand across my belly, and hearing the magic of my baby’s heartbeat. Maybe it proves just how little I trust God or maybe it just provides the reassurance I need. I don’t know, but I do know that I love hearing that heartbeat; it’s a miraculous sound either way.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

5 comments

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Dana
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1:56 PM delete

your new profile picture is SO cute!!! you are one blessed lady

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Jill Davis
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2:59 PM delete

I totally understand your feelings. It is really hard to just trust that things are going alright when you have no control over it. How long are you renting the heart monitor for? :)

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Overwhelmed!
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5:49 PM delete

You know, I see nothing wrong with renting this piece of equipment. I LOVED hearing Snuggle Bug's heart beat in his birthmother's belly when I went to doctor's appointments with her. The sound of that heartbeat is so miraculous! I don't blame you for wanting to hear it all the time! :)

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Joy
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6:50 AM delete

I have a great deal of fear when it comes to my children (in the womb and out). I think that's a natural mother-hen instinct in us. I would of loved to hear the baby's heartbeat often too. Renting a doppler never occured to me... hmmm...

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Amanda
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8:33 PM delete

In my first pregnancy I lived in constant fear. I lived from sonogram to sonogram or appointment to appointment. When morning sickness went away, I got fearful. I prayed, meditated on scripture and almost got a Doppler but a friend told me that I needed to trust God. It was hard but I refrained. (not saying your bad for renting one) Pregnancy is the greatest test of faith for a woman. Then my 2nd pregnancy was better. I had trained my mind with the WORD and the fear was much less and that was even after having a miscarriage. Now, I am 20.3 weeks with my THIRD and my fear has been minimal. But the only thing that has kept me from getting fearful is this being my third AND trusting my Savior. I have dealt with fear my whole life and pregnancy has been such a great tool to help me get over it. Just know that you are not alone. You are TOTALLY normal to feel all of these things. Right now I feel my little man moving all around and that sure brings comfort.

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