Girls Are Just Mean!

Friday, May 26, 2006 8 Comments A+ a-

I have a theory; it’s a theory that my sisters and I have been working on for some time now. Before I continue, I want to preface this entry with a disclaimer. I am not saying that ALL women feel this way. I couldn't begin to claim that this entry is for every woman or that I know enough to generalize the female race... but this appears to be true for the women in MY life.

My sisters and I speak on an almost daily basis, sometimes to shoot the breeze, sometimes to tell a funny story, but most times to vent and/or receive encouragement from the other. A typical conversation will entail the story of a recent experience with a girlfriend, followed by the exclamation of, "She said what?! What was YOUR response?!" This is usually followed by female-bashing and reassurances that "No, of course that's not true. You are..." blank filled in to help boost our sister's self-esteem. The conversation usually ends with a general consensus that "girls are just mean!" We’ve noticed, over the course of these calls that each sister was calling about the same friend or relative, time and time again, and this is where our theory kicks in.

It appears to us, that we each have that ONE friend or relative, where competition and jealousy comes in. I’m not saying this is okay or right, God condemns both of these things in His commandments, but it seems to be true. For instance, Courtney has one friend that she constantly compares herself to; be it grades, looks, attitude, boyfriends, etc. In Courtney’s mind, she can never measure up to this friend and always feels inferior after hanging out with her. My sisters, Christine and Allie, also have that ONE woman that they just can’t stop comparing themselves to. Even my mother, has that one friend who has constantly copied, imitated, or competed against her throughout their entire lives together.

As for me, this person also exists. I don’t know what it is; I can be happy for every other friend or family member in my life. I will shout congratulations from the roof-tops, be sincere in my happiness for them, and wish them well on this life’s journey. With all of the women in my life, sans one, there is no comparing, no competition, and no jealousy of the blessings that God brings into their life. But that one woman is where I constantly measure myself; I have to work hard at being happy about her blessings; and my jealousy hits a level of which I am so ashamed. There are times that she will bring on the comparison game and there are times I bring it on myself. After hanging out with her, or a conversation on the phone, I find myself comparing my life to hers and mine always seeming to fall short. After a call to a sister has been placed, the above conversation comes into play.

I constantly have to remind myself, just as my sisters have to remind themselves, that God did not create His children to act this way. He would not want us to compare ourselves to anyone else; that He has placed His own personal, individual stamp on us and to Him, we are priceless. While my head is very aware of this concept, it’s always a matter of convincing my heart. I’m continually reminded that I only have control over my own attitude and actions; I cannot control the actions or attitudes of those around me. I will continue to search for contentment and peace within myself, my home, and my family and maybe, just maybe, one day I’ll be able to hang up after a conversation with that friend and be rid of any residual self-doubt. Until that day comes, I have my sisters to offer me the encouragement I need and we can always rely on the edict that "Girls are just mean!"

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

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Jess
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3:29 PM delete

Aren't they exhausting??? But this is why I feel so beyond blessed to know you. Its been years since I've even bothered to attempt a friendship with a girl. Been "burned" one too many times by these so-called "friends". So, girl, I luuuuv you!!!

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Mary
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3:57 PM delete

Yeah - I know exactly what you mean. I have one friend in my life who is a high maintenance friendship. We have seasons of being around one another and seasons of no communication. She constantly compares the two of us and always tries the "superior" attitude with me. Frankly I have grown weary and limited contact with her because life is just too short to deal with the drama. And it works!

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Courtney
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7:11 PM delete

Very very true. You feel like you have finally gotten ahold of your self esteem again and then you talk with that friend the next time it takes minutes to destroy your attitude on what you tried to build up for weeks. Sometimes you have to wonder if the friendship is worth keeping if it only makes you have negative thoughts.

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Susan
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6:44 AM delete

I totally get this post. Wow. Girls are mean. I've always told my friends that girls judge other girls worse than anything, even if you don't mean to!

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Sarah
AUTHOR
7:28 AM delete

Your post has given me some insight! Looking at the opposite qualities in a friend you described, aren't we so blessed to have those women in our lives who make us feel absolutely and totally comfortable and loved and admired being exactly who we are! That's how you always make me feel and that's why I love you sooo much! I think I'm learning to "let go" of those friendships that are anything less than edifying and also to let go of those insecurities that are my fault and no fault of the friend. It will be a lifelong process though I'm sure. One last thought, isn't it funny to think of our men having disucssions like this! It wouldn't even cross their minds. We are a special bread, us women, and we need each other, as much pain as we can cause each other.
Love, Sarah

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Overwhelmed!
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11:44 AM delete

I have that ONE person that I always feel in competition with and who I vent to my sisters about. I really dislike feeling this way. I'm glad I'm not alone.

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5:08 PM delete

I tend to compare myself to others who are strong in my own areas of weakness. Silly, isn't it, but a temptation nonetheless!

I try to concentrate my friendship efforts with those who value me as a person, and who are mature enough not to play the competition game. Otherwise, it's a full-time job setting boundaries with those who are not!

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Christine
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7:04 PM delete

Good point! Why do we women do this to eachother? Even worse, why do we do it to ourselves? I know this was not God's plan. Can you imagine how great life would be if we all saw eachother and ourselves the way God sees us? I can't even imagine. You have to love those friends that love you unconditionally.

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