Friday, March 24, 2006 2 Comments A+ a-

One of my good friends, Malisa, and her husband, Kevin, work for area newspapers. Both are incredible writers and living out their dream of being reporters. This is from Kevin’s column this morning and I just had to share the hilarity of it. So without further ado, his column featuring Malisa, Kevin, their three-month-old daughter, Brooklyn, and a speeding car.

"Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?"

Any movie buffs might recognize that quote from the popular 1994 film "Speed," where a macho Los Angeles cop (Keanu Reeves) and a frazzled bus passenger (Sandra Bullock) try to thwart the sinister plot of a mad man (Dennis Hopper). I couldn't help but think of that quote a couple weeks ago as my wife and I steamed down Interstate 25 in our Subaru Outback.

First some background. Our 3-month old does not like red lights or stop signs or detours or slow-moving traffic. For now, it's cute. Seventeen years from now, it's going to be a car-insurance nightmare. But we've found that if we can keep the car moving at a reasonable rate of speed, she is happy. If the car slows down, then the screams start.

When we recently headed out to a restaurant across town on a Saturday night, it didn't take long for her to share her feelings on the speed we were moving. It was so loud that it made me think back to the happier times when she woke us up in the middle of the night. Our only chance was to get to the interstate. "Get this car up to 65, and there's no way she can keep screaming," we thought. We were wrong. But not before we pulled some Hollywood-style stunts that would have made even the producers of "Speed" proud.

There was action. You can't beat the traditional dive into the backseat delivered by yours truly - albeit a real snooze in this day and age of CGI-effects. There was my wife swerving in and out of traffic, desperate to keep the speedometer from dipping below 60 while singing a rousing rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." I think she delivered a driving performance that Dale Earnhardt Jr. - let alone Sandra Bullock- would have struggled to match. The other drivers didn't seem as impressed.

There was drama. Any fans of the slow-motion scene would have appreciated my desperation grab at my daughter's pacifier as it began to fall out of her mouth coupled with my blood-curdling yell of "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo."

But the gutsiest performance of the whole ride had to be my daughter _ screaming at the top of her lungs for more than 30 minutes. And, like any trained thespian, she knew just how to not overplay her part. Minutes before we made it to the restaurant, she fell sound asleep, delighting cooing relatives who could only wonder, "Is this little angel ever upset?"

Three gripping performances delivered, unfortunately, just a week after the Academy Awards. No worries. I'd look for "Speed 3: Baby Gate" to walk away with best picture in 2007.

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.


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7:31 AM delete

OMG!!! That was soooo Sophia! But we learned that it was her dairy allergy upsetting her stomach & the running car settled her stomach. But that story is EXACTLY how we lived our first 3 months, too. I r'member sitting @ a stoplight with her screaming so I started pumping the brakes, waiting for a green, & it settled her. But by that time I was in tears.

12:13 PM delete

We were very fortunate that we did not have this problem with Devyn. Whew! She was such an easy baby and only had one night that we were up all night. I'm a little scared for the next one. I think we're going to get a holy terror. =)